Second Best
by helltotheno
Summary: As he takes on his new role as Warden-Commander and upholds his title as hero of Ferelden, the Warden attempts to get over the loss of Alistair and Morrigan. Leliana still loves him, but is she willing to remain only second best compared to Morrigan?
1. Chapter 1

**1: Aftermath**

It was raining.

He rested Duncan's shield on top of Alistair's grave, before sinking the sword down into the soil beside it. Inside, the Grey Warden felt a deep loss as he looked upon his friend's grave, and also a small tinge of regret. Things would have turned out differently, he knew, if he had accepted Morrigan's offer to conceive a baby, so that no Grey Warden would have to be sacrificed. And yet, he had refused her… and that eventually led to Alistair dealing the final blow to the archdemon that killed him as well. _Was it my fault? _wondered the Warden, pursing his lips. _Should I have done what Morrigan had said? That would have saved everyone… and Alistair. I could have spared his life. I could have. But I did not… I suppose it _is_ my fault, then, my friend. Rest easy. I… I am sorry._

"Fenix?" Leliana's voice brought him away from his guilt-ridden thoughts. He stood up and turned around, forcing a weak smile at the beautiful bard. Her striking blue eyes saw right into his soul, that he knew. She had always been able to read him more easily than the others, he noticed. Leliana was sensitive and was always able to empathize with him. But now? Could she? Could she empathize with him for rejecting Morrigan at the chance to save Alistair, for rejecting the one he loved and resulted in her leaving him even before the final battle with the archdemon? _No, _he told himself,_ she can never understand that._

"Are you all right?" asked Leliana, her eyes filled with concern and worry, "We were looking for you before dinner, and you never showed up during the dinner either. I was worried about you."

"You don't have to be," Fenix replied, feeling her hand reach for his, "I'm fine. I just… can't believe he's gone." He gripped her hand in his, hoping that she would stay. After Alistair's funeral, Fenix had gradually withdrawn from the rest of the group, isolating himself from them and staying silent most of the time. Even as the Warden-Commander, he was never the same. Many had begun to doubt his leadership abilities, but a select few knew that it was due to the premature death of the king of Ferelden, the closest friend that Fenix had.

"He did what he had to do," Leliana said reassuringly, "He wouldn't want to see you like this, would he? You must be strong—like you always have. It's not like you to reduce yourself to such a weak state. What's more, you are the Warden-Commander. He wanted that before he died, did he not?"

"I know," Fenix muttered, nodding, "But I can't help thinking what would have happened if I… listened to Morrigan. I lost both of them, Leliana."

"She is alive," Leliana countered, her tone hardening at the mention of Morrigan's name, "But she wanted something for herself—the child you would have conceived with her. I know of your feelings for her, Fenix, but that would be cheating your way out of your duty as a Grey Warden… and Alistair's. I don't think she's ever loved you the way I…" Leliana's voice trailed off as she let go of his hand and turned away, feeling the heat rise to her face. "I just know she wanted to use you only. And to what end? To have a child with the essence of an Old God—the former archdemon. It would grow up to be extremely powerful, and… who knows what might happen then?"

"She's a good person," Fenix said, "I know it. She… I was sure she felt the same way."

"Are you?" Leliana said, turning around again, her expression dark, "You forget that she was raised by Flemeth. She has never known true love, so how can you expect that of her?"

"I don't want to argue about this," Fenix growled, "If you have nothing better to say, then leave me be. I… I need time."

Leliana's expression softened immediately. "I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't know what came over me."

"It's all right," he reassured her, turning back to Alistair's grave. "At least… the Blight is over. And Anora is queen. All is well."

"But you are not happy," Leliana pointed out, moving next to him. She gazed down at the shield and sword. "We must move on, Fenix."

"I can't forget all those… silly jokes," Fenix said, half-laughing. "He was always an idiot."

"He was _our _idiot," Leliana said, smiling. "The best there ever was."

"He would have made a great king." Fenix knelt down to feel the hilt of the sword, where Alistair had last touched it. It was only weeks ago when Fenix witnessed Alistair dealing the final blow to the archdemon. He had wanted to rush forward and take over from there, but Alistair would not allow it. His friend cared too much for everyone—for Ferelden, even—and had died doing his duty as a king and Grey Warden.

"He already is," Leliana agreed. "But he wouldn't want you to be in such a state, my Grey Warden. Would he? If he were here, he would be in one of those serious moods we rarely saw, and he would give you one of his attempts at lecturing."

"I know he would," Fenix said, nodding.

"Come in with me," Leliana offered, "It's raining, did you know that?"

Fenix laughed. "I wanted to do this first, before I returned to Vigil's Keep for some final preparations for the new Warden-Commander," he said.

"The new Warden-Commander?" Leliana repeated, surprised. "_You're _the Warden-Commander!"

"I am stepping down," Fenix admitted, "I can't do this."

Leliana stepped in front of him, her eyes ablaze. "You _can _do this!" she insisted, "Alistair made you Warden-Commander not so that you could just throw this responsibility away. He gave you this post for a reason… and he trusted you to it, did he not? How can you just give up?"

"I… don't know," Fenix said, turning away in embarrassment. "I don't know what I'm doing now, Leliana. I just feel helpless."

"It's the loss," Leliana muttered, "that's hurting you. Don't let it hurt you any longer. Take that helmet and put it on, and be the best Warden-Commander there ever was. You're the hero of Ferelden! Alistair would give up cheese just to see you chin up. Where's that man I met months ago in Lothering, fighting off Loghain's men with such courage and boldness?"

Fenix knew what the rest would say if he told them about his stepping down. They would react exactly like Leliana did, and they would never let him give up the position alive. _I guess it would be useless to protest against all of them. Oghren would drown me in ale if I tried, and I think Zevran would… _

He'd rather not think about that.

"He's… I guess he's still here," Fenix said, regaining some of that lost confidence after Alistair's death. It had been a terrible scene that Fenix could not get out of his mind for nights—and it had often scared him—but if it meant being Warden-Commander would honor Alistair for what he was, then Fenix would attempt to recover and proceed with his duties. It was only right, he thought, to fulfill what his old friend had wanted for him. "You're so precious, Leliana. I… thank you," he said, his tone sincere and true. Leliana turned a light shade of red, light enough that the Warden did not notice it.

"You are welcome," she said shyly, "But we are friends, so there's hardly any need for such formalities."

"You're right," Fenix agreed, strength returning to his voice. "Truly, I don't know what I would have done without you, Leliana."

"And I know one more thing that's right," she said happily, "Me becoming a Grey Warden."

Fenix raised his eyebrows at her. "You, a Grey Warden?"

"It is only right that I continue to be of some use to Ferelden, now that it is something like a home to me," Leliana said, "And I believe I can serve the Maker well if I continue to battle the darkspawn alongside you."

"The Maker…?"

"Say no more," Leliana said, placing a finger on his lips, "I will go through the Joining once we arrive at Vigil's Keep."

"But won't you want to track down Marjolaine?" Fenix asked, still surprised at her sudden request to become a Grey Warden.

"I have given up on her," Leliana answered, "I am sure of it. Finding her would be useless, after all."

"But… are you sure? The Joining could kill you."

Leliana smiled at him, her electric blue eyes in contact with his dark blue ones. "Is that what you are afraid of? Me dying?" Leliana said, laughing. "You obviously don't know me well enough, do you? I am strong, and I have been with you since the start—surely I can survive this Joining of yours."

"You don't understand… the taint… the blood could kill you," Fenix protested.

"Again, you are missing my point," Leliana said, "I know I can do this. The Maker ensures it."

He wasn't sure if it was her faith in the Maker or the fact that he wanted a friend along for the ride that was to come that convinced him to let her undergo the Joining.

He'd decided that it was both.

"Very well," Fenix said, finally conceding, "I'll take you in as a new recruit for the Grey Wardens. Welcome aboard, Leliana."

"I'm sure it'll be fun," Leliana said, "Are the shoes at Vigil's Keep nice, by the way? Nicer than the ones I'm wearing now, of course…" She indicated her muddy shoes. Fenix gathered that she had been wearing them since Lothering. He laughed.

"I'm sure I can get someone to tailor new satin shoes for you," Fenix promised, "Maybe an Orlesian vendor, if we're lucky."

"Oh you would? That would be wonderful!" she gushed, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. "I think there might be one in Amaranthine!"

"Vigil's Keep is quite near Amaranthine," Fenix said, "We'll make a stop there after we're done with your Joining and my initial duties."

"Oh, of course," Leliana said, forgetting that there were still cases of darkspawn about and that both her and Fenix had more important duties than getting satin shoes. "I got carried away."

"It's okay," Fenix said, "Let's go in now, shall we? I realize we've been standing out here long enough for the rain to stop."

Leliana nodded. "I saved some food for you," she said, "and I had to threaten Oghren to save some ale for you, too."

"Dine with me," Fenix said. "I find myself in need of some cheerful company."

"It would be my pleasure," Leliana said, her heart racing as the Grey Warden flashed her a smile she had not seen in weeks. She knew that smile—it was a smile of confidence and reassurance—and knew that he was back in charge, now as the hero of Ferelden and as the Warden-Commander.

Perhaps all would be well, in time to come.

_Vigil's Keep_

_One week later_

Leliana had regretted thinking that it would be smooth sailing from then on. First, the Joining tasted horrible. Second, she had to put up with that idiot of a mage, named Anders, who reminded her so much of Alistair—much to Fenix's delight. Third, Oghren was _still _here and he was _still _grabbing every chance he could to shamelessly flirt and talk dirty with her—earning him a slap or two every time he 'coincidentally' bumped into her at every corner in the Keep. Fourth, she had been hurt to discover that the Grey Wardens from Orlais—her home—had been slaughtered by the invading darkspawn and that the darkspawn had not retreated as much as she'd like to think. That was what she discovered the moment Fenix, Mhairi and her arrived at Vigil's Keep, formerly home to the Howes.

When they had first arrived at the Keep, it was under attack by a band of darkspawn, led by a _talking _darkspawn, much to her horror and fascination. Of course, Fenix had killed it and had saved the Keep and Seneschal Varel, earning them a small period of rest before the other duties began. Fenix had to take on the mantle of being the arl of Amaranthine, much to his protest and disgust. He had no problem with leading the other Grey Wardens, but he certainly seemed to have a problem with the arling of Amaranthine. It was as though he was asked to parade around the city naked.

Leliana giggled at the thought.

"And what are you giggling at?" Fenix's voice came from the doorway. She turned and smiled at him innocently, feigning ignorance.

"Nothing at all. What are you talking about?" she said pretentiously. It was a wonder how she could still find the spirit to joke and have fun about Vigil's Keep, even as trouble is continuously brewing where the darkspawn are concerned. It seemed to keep Fenix constantly sane—what with Anders' wit that strongly reminded the both of them of Alistair, Oghren's constant demand for ale on a daily basis and his daily drunken state and Nathaniel's grumpiness, still unsettled at the fact that Fenix had conscripted him into becoming a Grey Warden. The day when she stopped being so playful and coy would be the day when the Wardens would lose to the darkspawn. And that, to Leliana, was impossible.

"I'm sure you weren't thinking of anything," Fenix said sarcastically, "I just came by to tell you that dinner is almost ready."

"That's good," Leliana said, "Let's hope Oghren doesn't vomit all over the carpet again."

"Like last night," Fenix said, recalling what had happened the night before. He shuddered. "It smelled horrible."

"Oh yes, and I think the smell remains," Leliana said, giggling. "I'm sure you didn't just come here to tell me about dinner and Oghren's fiasco."

"As I knew you'd figure," Fenix said, "I'll be making a trip to the Wending Wood tomorrow to investigate the caravan assaults. I'd like you to tag along. It's a lead on the darkspawn threat in Amaranthine, and I'm sure there will be some answers there. Also, Herren, that man from Denerim, needs some materials for armor for our soldiers. I heard there's a silverite mine somewhere in those woods."

"I've been there once, while away from Orlais," Leliana said, "It is a nice place. But I think it'll be much more different now."

"Yes," Fenix agreed, "Well, I'm taking Oghren and Anders along—you don't mind, do you?"

"As long as you keep the two of them at an arm's length away from me, I won't mind one bit," Leliana said.

Fenix laughed. "Anders seems to like you a lot."

"So does Oghren. Dirty lechers," she muttered under her breath, "It's unsettling to hear a dwarf and an apostate flirt both at the same time."

"Can you blame them?" Fenix asked.

"Can you?" she countered, smilingly.

"No," he replied, chuckling, "You're beautiful. I don't see why they shouldn't. It speaks a lot about you."

"That I am desirable? Is that you flattering me again?" Leliana said, giggling again. "You have a silver tongue, Warden."

"Yes, and I'm sure Anders and Oghren possess the dirtiest of tongues," Fenix said, grinning, "But I think we should stop this gossip. I won't want them hearing us like this. It's almost embarrassing."

"For them, not you and I," Leliana said.

They sat together in silence for some time, enjoying each other's company. "I appreciate you being here," Fenix said, "It reminds me of those days…"

"Ah, the Blight," Leliana said, "How delightful."

"Well it _was _nice at night, in camp with you and the rest," Fenix said.

Leliana shot him a skeptical look. "Oh, really? I recall you spending most of your time on the far side of the camp with Morrigan. You hardly spoke to any of us… but when you did, it was because you had a fight with Morrigan," she said, snorting.

"Ah, I remember now," Fenix said sheepishly. "But I _did _enjoy the times with all of you, you know. Not just Morrigan."

Leliana smiled. "It's nice how we can just talk of her so easily and not get into a fight again," she pointed out, "It gives me comfort. I used to hate her, you know."

"Why?"

"Because she had you," Leliana said, her words plunging the both of them into an awkward silence. Her honesty amused Fenix sometimes, but now he felt truly naked and exposed in front of her. Wynne had always pointed out to him, during the quietest of nights, how Leliana would gaze at him when he was not looking and quickly look away when he turned his head in her direction. It was because of Wynne's observations that Fenix knew of Leliana's feelings for him. He had avoided it constantly, mostly because of Morrigan and because he did not want to look like someone who didn't take women seriously.

"I…" Fenix started, but was interrupted by rough banging on the door.

"Hey, Warden! Dinner's ready! You'd better come out soon—they won't let me eat without you at the darn table!" Oghren roared through the door. "You know what happens when I get too hungry!"

Fenix stood up and beckoned Leliana to follow him, not knowing what else to say or do.


	2. Chapter 2

**2: Velanna**

Conversations with him had been awkward after that night—after all, she had never been so honest to Fenix about her feelings about him. She had liked him ever since they met at Lothering, and he did not seem to feel ashamed about flattering her to no end in public. During the nights at camp, she would always glance in the direction of the stalwart Grey Warden, her heart beating anxiously as she looked on at him, not before he stood up and walked over to Morrigan's tent to 'converse' with her. After that, Leliana would always force herself to sleep, not before taking her frustration out on Alistair and Zevran, often leaving the two men in confusion. Zevran understood her better than Alistair did, and he always gave her space afterwards. Alistair, however, became a constant pest, egging her on her 'mood swings' and complaining about his luck to be an Orlesian bard's punching bag, often earning himself a painful slap across the face. He had learnt to keep his mouth shut afterwards, when he was around Leliana.

Now, Leliana was the one keeping her mouth shut when she was around Fenix, who seemed to be on edge enough as it is. They were prepared to leave for the Wending Wood when Leliana finally decided to pull Fenix to one corner to talk about what had happened the night before.

"Fenix, about what happened last night…" she started, but Fenix raised a hand to stop her.

"Don't talk about it as though we did something sinful," Fenix said, with a knowing smile, "I should be the one to apologize for withdrawing from you so quickly after that. I just didn't know how to handle it, and what, with Morrigan's departure… I'm not sure I can just let another person walk into my arms."

"I wasn't going to apologize," Leliana said, though she smiled a little at his sincerity, "I was going to tell you that I was serious about what I said. I just wanted to clear the tension between the two of us, before we head out to the south. I don't think we'll work well if we remained so quiet and nervous around each other."

Fenix could not help but to smile at that. "And Anders would definitely find some way to assume that something scandalous has occurred between you and I," he said, chuckling, "I'm glad we had this talk. Really. I was thinking of approaching you after our investigations are done in the woods, but this is better. That being said, I think we should move along quickly. Seneschal Varel is looking at us, isn't he?"

Leliana glanced over his shoulder inconspicuously. "That he is," she said, giggling, "Let's move on, then. The darkspawn await to be slaughtered!"

And then, they set off with great speed.

They walked along the rough roads for hours, before night came upon them quickly. The four of them set up camp just a little way off from the road, under the cover of the trees and vegetation to hide themselves from any darkspawn or bandits. As Anders prepared the meal—he had offered to do so himself, claiming that he had spent many years travelling alone as an apostate and had thus acquired some knowledge of edible plants and boasted about the great meals they would have with him along—it turned out that Oghren had snuck some ale from Vigil's Keep, much to Fenix's and Leliana's dismay. Fenix was worried that Oghren would suffer from a hangover the very next morning and feared that he would slow the group down with his senseless ramblings and reduced walking skills. If it would come to that, Fenix would have to ultimately carry the dwarf himself all the way to the Wending Wood, until he sobered up.

"Don't drink too much tonight, Oghren," Fenix warned, "You'll want to save some for our _return _trip."

"Oh," Oghren said, "That's right… you're right."

Behind Fenix, Leliana giggled. Oghren may be a fearsome fighter and a severe alcoholic, but one thing people liked about him was his gullibility. It was appalling to find that one of the dwarves from the Warrior Caste was as gullible as a five year old, and yet, it proved to keep him under control for most of the time. Fenix had used that to his advantage before, and he was not going to stop now. Besides, he did not need a drunken dwarf swinging his axe blindly, risking cutting off the limbs of his own comrade. It was better to let him get drunk back at Vigil's Keep, not here in the middle of the route to their destination.

"So, Leliana," Anders started, glancing at her, "Have you ever… had a… _companion_?"

Leliana glared at Anders. "By companion, you mean sexual partner, yes?" she said, her eyes flashing dangerously.

Anders grinned sheepishly. "Why yes! You know me so well, my dear Leliana—maybe we should get together sometime after business is finished in the Wending Wood," he offered, eyeing her slyly.

"I'm not interested in apostates," Leliana said, folding her arms in protest and looking away. Anders looked scandalized. "I wish people would stop using that word on me," he murmured, "I think it sort of degrades me. And besides, how would you know? Maybe you might like me."

"I'm sorry," Leliana said, glancing at Fenix who was tending to the fire, "But I already have someone in mind."

"Oh, really?" Anders said, disappointed, "And who might that be? He's sure to be a lucky man."

"Or _woman_," Leliana corrected him, "You never know."

"You're… you're uh, interested in women then?" Anders asked, his expression turning into one of surprise and perplexity. "I had no idea."

"Oh, yes," Leliana said, "They're much more fun in bed."

Anders turned a deep shade of red. "R-Really?"

Leliana glanced at him again. "What do you mean 'really'? Have you never bedded a _woman _before? Or were they all men before you met me?" she asked, her mockery causing the apostate mage to turn an even deeper shade of red—this time, out of embarrassment.

"What? I—of course not! I don't take an interest in men, if that's what you're saying," Anders said defensively, "And how would you know if I've never gone to bed with a woman before?"

Leliana snorted. "I've seen enough of the world to know a virgin when I see one," she pointed out, "I expected you to be something like Oghren, but it turns out you and that drunken dwarf share only the perverted behavior."

"Fine, you win," Anders said, conceding defeat. "But… but do you really like a woman now?"

"I didn't admit anything," Leliana said, "Especially not to you."

Anders sighed. "Oh, well…"

Leliana glanced over at Fenix, who was now laying on his back and looking up at the stars. Tonight, she realized, was a clear night. She moved over to his side and lay down next to him, remaining silent. Her eyes scanned the starry night sky, remembering when she'd told Fenix the story of Alindra and the soldier. She could remember the way Fenix's eyes brightened with wonder after she had finished the story, and he told her that he'd never look at the stars in the same way again. She assumed then that he enjoyed stories of romance and true love and had hoped that she would be the one to ensure that he would experience truly what the lovers in such stories had experienced. And yet, he fell in love with Morrigan first. When she found out, she was extremely heartbroken, and had wanted to leave the group to return to Orlais, but her love for this Grey Warden had kept her beside him, even if she knew of their activities at night. It hurt to stand beside a man she loved and not be loved in return, but Leliana secretly hoped that her patience would pay off soon, and that one day, Fenix Cousland may look upon her with the same look had had when he looked upon Morrigan.

"What are you thinking of?" Fenix asked, turning his head to face her.

Leliana turned to him as well, gazing into those blue eyes she knew and loved. "A lot of things," she admitted, "Most of them sadden me."

"Like what?" he prodded.

"After the Blight ended," Leliana began, "Everyone seemed to have their own path to take. All of us separated. It was quite sad, really. I enjoyed the company of our group the most—it was almost like having a family. It gave me comfort to know I was accepted, and we travelled everywhere together. Like a little fieldtrip. Then we split ways, and now it's not the same."

"It'll be the same once this darkspawn threat is over," Fenix promised, "We could go and find everyone again. Wynne would be at the Circle, wouldn't she? And Zevran—he'll be back in Antiva. I'm sure he'll need help with those Crows. Sten would be somewhere in northern Thedas, and we have Oghren here, although I know you don't like him much…" He stopped speaking, as though his throat was suddenly blocked.

"And Morrigan," Leliana finished for him, "Won't you want to find her?"

"I… I would," Fenix said, "But I won't know where she'll be."

"I've heard that she went through the Frostback Mountains, days after the Blight ended," Leliana said, "Some gossipers were speaking of an apostate witch travelling west, perhaps to Orlais…"

"Considering what I've done to her mother for her, she wouldn't want to return to the Wilds," Fenix said, "Perhaps she is still afraid of Flemeth returning."

"After all of this," Leliana said, "Shall we find Morrigan?"

"You and I?" Fenix said, confused. "You want to find her?"

"Only if it's with you," Leliana said, "And _for _you."

"But… it won't be very… appropriate," Fenix struggled, "I mean… I know how you feel about me and…"

"It doesn't matter," Leliana lied, although she felt the hurt in her heart again, "What matters is that you find your true love, isn't that right? I'm sure Morrigan misses you—I remember you telling me about her ring—" she pointed to the ring on Fenix's ring finger, noticing that it meant he was married to her, in a way, "and how you felt that she was thinking about you. And that she was sad. I'm sure she would like to see you again. I also happen to know Orlais like the back of my hand."

"I can't be sure she would," Fenix said, "She left me… angry."

"Because you refused to… lay with her?"

"Yes," Fenix said, "She wanted a child. I knew it."

"If you had another chance to grant her that wish, would you…?" Leliana asked, her curiosity over his love for Morrigan getting the better of her.

"No," Fenix said, "because what she wanted was a demigod for a child. It's impossible to execute that ritual now. If she wanted a normal child of her own, however…"

Leliana looked away, slightly hurt. She had always expected him to remain faithful to Morrigan, but she was nonetheless hurt from it. _Does this mean that he will never look at me differently? Oh, Andraste's grace… what am I thinking? It's impossible between him and me—now I know._

"Are you okay?" Fenix asked, "I'm sorry if that was a little… unsettling for you to hear. I was insensitive. Forgive me."

"No, it's all right," Leliana reassured him, "I'm fine. Trust me."

"I… I think we shouldn't speak of Morrigan anymore," Fenix said, feeling guilty for pouring his feelings about someone he loved to someone who loved him whom he could not return the feelings to. "Let's just leave that matter until after this is finished."

"I agree," Leliana said, "It was foolish of me to ask. I started it." She chuckled. "I seem to like bringing myself to pain. Strange."

She rolled over and pretended to be asleep.

"Leliana…"

There was no response, so Fenix only assumed she was already sleeping. He heaved a sigh. "I am sorry," he muttered. "I hope you will forgive me."

A single tear rolled down Leliana's cheek. _I always will. I will always be with you, Warden. Know that I will never leave you. Even if you may never love me as I love you… I am willing to sacrifice my happiness for yours. Is that what love is then?_

_Suffering for that one person alone?_

_Wending Wood_

_One day later_

"The elf! She's the one attacking the caravans and stopping trade," the bandit said frantically, after Fenix had questioned him about who was chasing him. "She makes the trees come alive… and they attack us! She… she… I think she's coming, I have to get out of here!" Before Fenix could stop him, the bandit ran off. Not long afterwards, a sylvan tree came to life in front of them and attacked them fiercely, scattering the four of them. As soon as Anders got back on his feet, he cast a fireball towards the tree, killing it quickly. The moment the tree hit the ground however, a number of Shrieks and Blight wolves appeared out of nowhere and advanced towards the party.

Fenix drew his sword and slashed at the nearest wolf, injuring it so severely that it died immediately. Behind him, Leliana was providing support by firing on the Shrieks, distracting them long enough for Oghren to advance quickly and hack them down with his axe. The blood was already all over their armor, and Fenix wished that he hadn't sent his mabari hound, Valor, back to Highever with Fergus. The blood of darkspawn smelled just as it had tasted at his Joining—rotting and bitter.

He looked around and ensured that there were no more incoming darkspawn, then beckoned the rest of the group to follow his lead as he led them up a steep path. Soon after, the elf that the bandit had spoken of made her appearance—no less than five feet away from them, holding her cautious stance.

The first thing that struck Fenix about her was that she looked almost like Morrigan.

"What are you looking at?" she snapped, her fierceness rivaling that of Morrigan's, Fenix noticed.

"Are you… are you the elf who destroyed those caravans?" Fenix said, trying not to let her looks distract the task at hand.

"And if I say yes? Will you cut me down like you did those darkspawn, traveller?" she asked, her tone threatening.

"No," Fenix said hastily, "I just want to talk."

"There is nothing to talk about. Those bandits took my sister! They deserve to die! And if you're a smart traveller, you would know that you are not welcome here. There is no trade, but only death to be found!" the elf retorted angrily, raising her staff.

"_Wait!_" Fenix said, raising his hand to stop her. She backed away cautiously, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"I'm not a bandit," Fenix answered, "I'm a Grey Warden, Fenix."

"Ah, then you are here to battle the darkspawn threat, I presume," the elf said, lowering her staff. "Don't bother helping these men. They deserve their fate. The forest will crush all of them until one of them tells me where they took my sister!"

"I can help," Fenix said, "Let me help you."

"And what would you stand to gain from this, Warden?" the elf asked, "Why would you help me?"

"I need you to stop attacking the caravans," Fenix said, "We can find the men—or whoever it is—who took your sister from you. I promise."

The elf seemed to think about his proposition for a moment, before agreeing. "Very well," she said, "But I will not tag along with you and your companions. I will be waiting at the Dalish camp in the Wending Wood. If you find her, or anything leading me to her, let me know. And if you betray me, Warden, rest assured that you will be dead."

"Don't threaten him like that!" Leliana said angrily, stepping forward.

Fenix raised his hand to keep Leliana from advancing. "It's okay," he said, "She's just cautious."

"And with good reason," the elf added. "Go now. I'll be waiting."

Fenix nodded and strode off, with the other three behind him. Leliana, however, could not help but to throw one last glare at the elf, who smirked back, before following on. She had noticed Fenix's change in behavior the moment he laid his eyes on the elf and she was certain that he had noticed her resemblance to Morrigan as well. She did not like the prospect of seeing Fenix fall for that elf, but the logical side of her mind told her that Fenix would most likely never do that, for she, as much as she resembles Morrigan, is still not Morrigan after all. She walked the rest of the trek uphill in silence, stealing a few glances at Fenix once in a while, wondering what would happen if he were to indeed fall in love with that rude Dalish elf. _Don't be silly, _she told herself, _He knows better than to fall for someone because of their face. She is no Morrigan._

After a long while of walking around and encountering bandits and darkspawn, Fenix ventured upon a dying militiaman, who was obviously infected by the darkspawn taint. He knelt down in front of the man, who had already noticed his presence.

"You… you're the Warden-Commander," he gasped, "The darkspawn… they are here!"

"We've noticed that," Anders said sarcastically.

"They're… they're watching us," the man continued, coughing blood, "And they're watching you too… they are curious about you. I suggest… you run…"

"No," Fenix refused, "Tell me what happened here."

"They came out of nowhere," the man said, "Attacked us, too. And the elf…"

"Did you take her sister?" Fenix asked, "The elf. Did you take the elf's sister?"

"What? No… the darkspawn attacked us first… we didn't take any elf," the man replied, cringing in pain as the taint spread inside him. "The darkspawn were too fast for us… most of us… all dead."

"You're infected," Fenix said, "Come, I will take you back to the Keep for healing."

"No… I'm dying…" the man protested, "Kill me… please…"

Fenix closed his eyes and reluctantly drew his dagger from his belt. "Maker be with you," he said, as he sliced the throat of the militiaman.

"At least he no longer feels pain," Leliana said, "He is with the Maker now."

"Of that I have no question," Fenix said, "But we must return quickly to the elf. He said the darkspawn took her sister."

They ventured backwards and trekked upwards again, until they arrived at the abandoned Dalish camp, which had weapons scattered everywhere. _Purposefully_. Fenix narrowed his eyes, surveying the surroundings. _The darkspawn must have done this, _he mused, _but this is… unlike them. Strange. _He eventually found the elf at one corner of the camp, her face buried in her hands.

"I have news of your sister."

The elf turned around, her eyes hopeful and less dangerous for once. "What was it? Did the bandits take her?" she asked, moving closer to Fenix.

"No, the darkspawn attacked the men first. They didn't have a chance," Fenix said grimly, "I'm assuming they took your sister."

"How…?" the elf started, her expression pained. "We must find her, if it's true. The darkspawn—we must find them!"

"Without a doubt," Fenix agreed, "The darkspawn are most likely to be in tunnels, leading to the Deep Roads."

The elf glanced in the direction of the silverite mine entrance. "There's a mine near here, to the north. I think if we travel deep enough, we'll be able to find the darkspawn and save my sister," the elf said, determined. She looked at Fenix with a thankful bow.

"My name is Velanna, if you care for such things," she said, "But enough formalities, we must find my sister."

"And eradicate the darkspawn threat," Fenix added. "Let's set off, then."


	3. Chapter 3

**3: Morrigan**

The trip down the silverite mine had not been a good one. Just a few minutes inside the mine and they were already cornered by an older darkspawn, who looked much more powerful than the others—unlike genlock and hurlock emissaries—and could even speak. The last thing Fenix heard coming from the mouth of that darkspawn was, "Shh… sleep." After that, everything had been a blur. He had woken up halfway, strapped to a stone table. The talking darkspawn had showed itself again, and Fenix had struggled against his chains but to no avail. He felt a sharp pain at his side, and before he could do anything else, everything blacked out again. When he awoke for the second time, he was in a cell with the rest of his party and Velanna.

"You're awake," Leliana breathed, helping him to sit upright against the wall. The pain in his side had not subsided, it seemed, and he winced as it pricked him painfully.

"What happened?" he asked, glancing at the rest of them.

"No idea," Oghren said, "But I do remember being naked… heh…" He chuckled shamelessly at the thought.

"How can you still joke about this? I feel violated!" Anders exclaimed, "And my things are all gone! What about Ser Pounce-a-lot?"

Ser Pounce-a-lot was the cat Fenix had picked up in Vigil's Keep, and had thrust it into Anders' hands. Despite his reluctance, Anders had grown to like the cat very much and had eventually forgotten about giving it away. Ser Pounce-a-lot would be very hard to find in this place, indeed.

"Quit worryin' about a darn cat!" Oghren yelled, "At least I won't have to put up with smellin' its cat piss anymore."

"Do you think you smell better than his piss?" Anders asked, "No, I think _not_!" He glared threateningly at Oghren, who in turn tried to rebut but had nothing else better to say. Instead, he turned away from Anders like a child having a tantrum, rolling his eyes.

"Whatever, stupid mage," Oghren grumbled, along with other incoherent and unintelligible words that were now being muttered under his breath.

"We must find a way out of here," Velanna said, standing up, "I don't know what that darkspawn did to us, but I'm going to find out."

"He drew blood from us," Leliana told Fenix, seeing his look of confusion. _Oh, _he thought, _that explains the wound in my side… _

"And for what reasons? To drink it and then refill his little darkspawn goblet later on?" Anders whined, standing up as well, "And it's cold here! We'd better try busting that door open if we want to escape!"

"I miss my armor," Oghren mumbled as he stood up as well.

Leliana helped Fenix up and he slowly regained his balance, putting aside the pain. Before any of them attempted to break down the door, another female elf entered the prison—one that Velanna knew all too well.

"_Seranni!_" Velanna rushed towards the bars—the closest she could get to her dear little sister.

"Velanna, you must get out of here," Seranni said. Fenix noticed that she had been tainted by the darkspawn blood as well.

"Easier said than done," Anders muttered.

"What happened to you?" Velanna whispered, "What did the darkspawn do to you?"

"I'll give you a key that opens a chest in the Architect's room. I do not know what is inside, but I hope you will find some answers there," Seranni said, throwing the key towards Fenix, "You must leave, sister. Leave and never come back!"

"No," Velanna said firmly, "I'm not going to leave you!"

"She's been tainted…" Fenix managed, "This Architect… whoever he is… he's done something to her."

Velanna looked horrified. "No, please, Seranni, you must come with me! There's hope for you yet," she pleaded, her eyes filled with desperation. "Leave with us!"

"I cannot," Seranni said, "I'm sorry, Velanna." The lock on the door at the far side of the prison area clicked, and the sound echoed loudly, startling Seranni.

"I must go," she said, "They cannot find me here. I will open the cell door for you, but you must leave while you can! Please."

Once the door was unlocked, Seranni ran off. Velanna pushed the door open and ran after her sister, with the rest of them behind her. "Velanna, wait!" Fenix yelled, "We have to get out of here first!"

"I am not leaving my sister behind with the darkspawn!" Velanna protested, her tone indignant.

"Fine, let's regain what we have lost first," Fenix said, "Then we shall find your sister. I swear it."

Velanna glanced back in the direction where Seranni had run off, then reluctantly turned back to Fenix.

"Very well," she said, "Lead the way." Fenix headed in the opposite direction instead, and found himself entering what seemed to be the Architect's lab. Apparently this was the Architect's home—whoever he was. Fenix poked around the place a little, until he found that there was a chest at the bottom of the floor. It looked inaccessible, but with Anders and Oghren constantly disturbing all the levers and other items they could find, they finally cleared the strange green smoke that was obstructing the chest away from Fenix's view. Seeing as there was no way to get down from here, he decided to find another way out. As soon as they emerged from the lab, they were attacked by three hurlocks. With two mages at his side, the hurlocks fell quickly and their possessions were taken.

Fenix found himself using a darkspawn greatsword, which unsettled him quite a bit. How many good men have died by this blade?

After opening countless cell doors, Fenix eventually found himself in front of the chest that was at the bottom floor of the lab and opened it. Inside, he found nothing that would lead him to whoever this Architect is, and, disappointed, closed shut the chest. "Our possessions are not here," Fenix said, frustrated, "We'll have to look harder."

They pressed on through several rooms, fighting darkspawn while they were at it, and suddenly encountered a strange ghoul—one that was wearing Velanna's equipment. The elf hissed angrily at the ghoul.

"She's wearing my things!" Velanna snapped, "I'd like them back… _now_."

Without hesitation, she cast a Blizzard spell and froze almost every darkspawn around them, much to the group's convenience. Soon, darkspawn by darkspawn fell and Velanna eventually regained her possessions. "They smell like the darkspawn," she said with disgust, "But I guess this will have to do, then."

"You can send it for dry cleaning at Vigil's Keep," Anders said cheerfully.

"How is it that you can stay so _happy _amidst such horror?" Velanna said, glaring at him.

"It's a habit," Anders said, "To look on the bright side of things. And to make a joke out of almost everything, if possible." That earned a snort from Oghren, who seemed to disapprove.

"Your jokes make us all sad," the dwarf growled.

"We have no time for banter," Fenix said, "Let's go. There may be more of these… ghouls ahead."

"With my things!" Anders exclaimed in shock, "And Ser Pounce-a-lot…"

"Oh, don't get me started," Oghren muttered.

Soon after, they met with four more ghouls who had their equipment and had caused them to become quite disgruntled and angry that their equipment and armor were worn by dirty, _darkspawn _ghouls. Fenix was angriest, most of all, the moment he had seen the ghoul wearing Morrigan's ring. He charged at the ghoul and ripped off it's helmet before slicing its head off cleanly, and took back all of his armor and weapons—especially the ring. By the time had had put on his armor again, the rest had already done the same but were staring at him, their expressions ranging from surprise to fear.

"Andraste's grace," Anders whispered, "You were _very _rash. Very out of character."

"Indeed," Velanna agreed, "I would never have expected you to just charge headlong into the fray towards just one ghoul."

"I… well," Fenix started, "I hated that it took my things, that's all."

"Sure," Oghren sniggered, "But I know what you were after. The _ring_."

Fenix rolled his eyes. "You think you know me Oghren, but as it turns out…"

"…I know you all too well!" the dwarf exclaimed, laughing.

Fenix glanced at Leliana, who had a very distant look about her face. "Are you okay?" he asked, touching her arm slightly.

"Oh, yes," Leliana said, "Let's move on. I wouldn't want to keep the darkspawn waiting, now that we've got our things back."

"My thoughts exactly," Oghren said, staring at Leliana luridly.

The sound of Leliana's palm colliding against Oghren's cheek resounded down the corridor.

_Vigil's Keep_

_Half a day later_

Their escape from the silverite mine was relieving. After facing two dragon thralls sent by the Architect, Fenix was glad to be back inside the safe walls of the Keep. He'd spent the rest of the day in bed, recovering slowly. He could hear Oghren and Anders yelling at each other occasionally, and could not help but to laugh to himself. It seemed that Oghren was unhappy that Anders had indeed found Ser Pounce-a-lot. He hadn't seen Leliana since they returned—he made a mental note to find her after he decided to get up. After a while, a sudden knock on the door startled him.

"Come in," Fenix said.

He had first expected it to be Leliana to enter, but it turned out that it was Velanna.

"Hello, Warden," Velanna said, "I just wanted to thank you for… helping me. At least I know Seranni is alive, and that is great comfort by itself."

"We didn't save her," Fenix said, sitting up, "I'm sorry."

"No," Velanna said, "It is all right. I have some hope now—and I am a Grey Warden, so sensing these darkspawn may be easier in the future. I only ask that when the time comes and we confront Seranni again, you will not kill her."

Fenix blinked. "I never had the intention to," he reassured her, "She's your sister. I would never hurt her."

Velanna, for the first time since he had met her, smiled. "Thank you," she said gratefully.

"My pleasure," Fenix replied, smiling back.

"If I may," Velanna said, "What were you thinking of when I first appeared to you?"

"Why the sudden question?" Fenix asked.

"It seemed as though you were… _remembering_," Velanna said, "The look on your face was unmistakable. Did I… remind you of someone?"

"I… yes, actually. A woman from my past," Fenix said.

The elf shifted uncomfortably. "What was her name?" Velanna asked.

"…Morrigan." Every time he spoke her name, memories of his nights with her would flood his mind again. This time, the scene where she had offered a ritual as a way out of death for one Grey Warden played in his mind again. He had refused. She left him without a word after that.

"I see," Velanna said, "Was she important to you?"

Fenix nodded. "That ring Oghren mentioned in the mine," Fenix said, raising his hand, "She gave it to me."

"A gift of love?" Velanna asked, gazing at the ring almost with envy.

"No," Fenix said, chuckling, "I don't know actually. She said it would be useful if she wanted to find me. She could track me down, you see."

"Seems like she did not want to lose you," Velanna observed, "She loved you, did she not?"

"I can't be sure," Fenix said, half-smiling. "She never liked serious commitments. She would always cringe when I told her I loved her."

"Where is she now?"

"Somewhere," Fenix said, staring into blank space. "I assume she'll be somewhere amongst the Frostback Mountains… or in Orlais."

"Oh," Velanna said, "You seem to treasure her, even in her absence."

"Yes," Fenix said, nodding, "She means the world to me."

"And what of that red-haired girl? Leliana?" Velanna asked, "I've been observing her, and she has been asking the Seneschal after you constantly, after you retired to your room. And while you were unconscious, I noticed that she was very worried about you. She kept feeling your pulse from time to time, to make sure you weren't dead."

Fenix had to laugh at that. Leliana often cared a lot for the people around her, but he had never expected her to be so anxious about him. _Of course she would, _he mused, _Don't be silly. You already know she likes you._

"I… see," Fenix managed, not knowing what else to say.

"Whatever happened between you and this… Morrigan," Velanna started, "I think you should let go. Leliana seems to be very loyal to you, and it is admirable."

"I'm the Warden-Commander," Fenix said, as though Velanna had no idea of his position in the first place. She scoffed.

"She feels for you more than just that," Velanna pointed out, "But enough talk. I find myself cringing as your Morrigan probably had just talking about such matters. I will retire now." She left the room swiftly, leaving Fenix to his own thoughts.

After a while of pondering over Velanna's words, Leliana entered the room, surprising him a little.

"Oh, I see you're awake," Leliana said, blushing, "I wanted to drop by some eggs for you when you awoke. You seem pale."

"I'm all right," Fenix assured her, "Thank you, by the way."

"Oh, they're just _eggs_," Leliana said, giggling. "You could always thank the cook in the kitchen!"

"No, I mean in the silverite mine," Fenix said, "Velanna told me you kept checking me for signs of life."

Leliana blushed even harder now. "Did she?" Leliana muttered, "I didn't think she'd be so observant. I _was _doing it inconspicuously, you know."

"No matter," Fenix said, "Thank you."

"You won't go down without a fight," Leliana said, sitting next to him. "I know you, my Grey Warden."

"And I, you," Fenix replied. "I'm going to see the Seneschal soon. I'll have to report to him."

"Very well," Leliana said, "I'll leave you to your changing." She stood up and kissed Fenix on the forehead before leaving, her bright blue eyes twinkling as she smiled at him.

_Vigil's Keep, Courtyard_

He'd found Leliana there, softly singing to herself.

Her voice always amazed him sometimes, and Alistair had often claimed that when Leliana sung at night in camp, he had seen Fenix's eyes brighten considerably. It was no wonder, of course. Fenix found Leliana's voice truly beautiful, and as beautiful as she sounded, she also looked extremely lovely in the evening sun. Fenix approached her quietly from behind, but he guessed that she already knew of his presence.

"Hey," he said, stopping behind her.

"You surprised me there," Leliana said, smiling. "Yes?"

"It's been a long time since I heard you sing," Fenix said, "I missed that."

"I sang once," Leliana said, "And it was because I loved you enough to do it. It was an amazing feeling, singing for someone you love."

"I see." Fenix moved over to her side. "I would kill to hear it again."

"You're joking," Leliana said, bemused. "What if I asked you to kill Oghren?"

"I would consider that," Fenix said, laughing, "But your voice is truly like no other. Tell me, where did you learn to sing like that?"

Leliana shrugged. "I've always loved singing," she told him, "I guess I just had it in me. I don't know."

"You could become very successful if you decide to become a professional," Fenix suggested, half-jokingly.

Leliana raised her eyebrows at him. "But I'm already a Grey Warden," she said, "Or are you trying to get rid of me?"

"No, of course not," Fenix replied, "It was just a suggestion." He grinned sheepishly at her, earning him a sweet smile from Leliana.

"Marjolaine said the same thing," Leliana said, walking over to the fountain, "She said I'd make lots of money if I used my voice smartly."

"You… let her hear you sing?" In truth, Fenix admired Marjolaine for earning Leliana's feelings once, and yet, he despised her for lying to Leliana—for betraying her for something she did not do. If he ever found the time, Fenix swore that he would take revenge for Leliana, if only to make her feel better.

Leliana nodded, although Fenix could see a trace of regret on her face. "I didn't know any better," she said quietly, "It was days before she betrayed me. I had never felt so hurt in my life."

"Don't worry about it," Fenix assured her with a firm tone, "It's over now. Once we get over this darkspawn threat, I swear to you, we will find her and kill her for what she did to you."

"You are very kind," Leliana said, her tone filled with gratitude, "And I expect her to be waiting for me 'til then as well."

Fenix smiled. "She didn't deserve you, Leliana," he told her, "She never did." His voice was like velvet, making Leliana's heart race and her cheeks burn. She looked away shyly, smiling to herself. Just hearing those words from Fenix made her happier than she had ever remembered, and she instantly felt the urge to just take the Warden by the face and kiss him. She turned around to find him regarding her thoughtfully with those caring blue eyes—the eyes that had first mesmerized her back in the Dane's Refuge in little old Lothering. Leliana had developed a sort of interest in him since then, noticing his eyes turn caring every time a problem arose for a helpless person. She liked that compassion in him, and he was also very sensitive whenever she spoke of herself and the Maker—which only fueled her feelings for him more.

With that personality, Leliana just could not see what Fenix saw in Morrigan. It was almost insane—it was obvious that Fenix and Morrigan are two entirely different people, and yet, they came together as though the Maker had it planned for a long time. She never did believe in the phrase 'opposites attract', and yet, it manifested itself in these two people and however rough and unbearable Morrigan may be most of the time, Fenix never did seem to stop loving her.

Leliana had been jealous of Morrigan for a long time, often imagining herself in the place of the apostate witch from the Wilds, but it eventually subsided after she left them on the eve of the final battle. It plunged Fenix into a sort of depression, but he suppressed it until after the battle, which was apparently worse for him because Alistair had offered to make the final sacrifice. Both of these people's actions scarred him emotionally, and that was when Leliana decided never to leave the Grey Warden… until he decided to leave her, to give him support and to care for him.

"Thank you," Leliana said, "Your words mean a lot to me."

"Perhaps one day, you may find someone who deserves you fully," Fenix said, optimism shining in his eyes.

"You really think so?" Leliana chuckled.

"I know so," Fenix answered, startling the bard.

"And who might that be?" Leliana said. "You sound like you _really_ know."

Fenix took her by the hand and held it tightly, confidently. "Only whoever you choose," he said, "I only hope you make the right choice and spare yourself from the hurt." In an instant, Leliana understood his words. He was encouraging her to look _elsewhere _for another man—or woman—and leave her feelings for him behind, because he knew that he could never bring himself to love her just as he loved Morrigan. Leliana thought it was thoughtful of him to speak this way, to avoid rejection, but she had no intention of letting him go just because he wanted her to. She would wait until they found Morrigan.

Morrigan would hold the answer to her future, Leliana was certain of it. If she refused Fenix, then he would ultimately let her go. If she accepted Fenix, however…

Leliana shuddered at the thought of having to leave _her _Grey Warden.

"I understand," Leliana said, "I know what you mean."

Fenix was not surprised at her answer. She was sharp, he knew, and could pick up things only read between the lines. _Perhaps this is for the best._

And then, he thought of Morrigan. Everything was uncertain to him. Even her.


	4. Chapter 4

**4: Sweeter Yesterdays**

_A/N: Reviews make me so happy ;_; Thank you __**noobbody**__, __**ffdrake**__ and __**Eva Galana**__! Much cookies (I got reminded of Sten) for you! Morrigan makes an appearance in this chapter, although not very much. Oh, and warning: pairing MAY change. I am currently veering between Warden/Leliana and Warden/Morrigan. It is a sad predicament. -goes to corner and weeps-_

_Redcliffe Castle_

_Four months before_

"_Would you truly choose death rather than just lay with me for one night?" she asked, her golden eyes burning with impatience and anxiety. "Would you deny yourself the tomorrows and all its rewards?" She looked upon him with such a heated expression; Fenix could already feel her rage just by standing in front of her, only a few feet away. _

_He could not agree to her offer. A child was made out of love, not desperation, was it not? He bit his lower lip, considering his own options. He could agree to her offer, and save all remaining Grey Wardens including himself, but at the expense of never seeing his child ever again. He could also refuse her, but then someone would have to die. _Better me than Alistair, _he thought to himself. _I can't let him die like this._ Yet, there was a part of him that ached to say yes, if only to keep her beside him for a little while longer, until after the archdemon's death. But he knew her well—she was as stubborn as he had first met her in the Korcari Wilds, and even if he spent the rest of all eternity convincing her to stay with him, he knew she would not agree. _Then what difference would it make, if I said yes? _Fenix mused, not daring to imagine a future without her at his side, her golden eyes twinkling whenever she smiled at him when no one else was looking. _

"_I just want you to be with me," Fenix spluttered. "It doesn't have to be this way. If I… if I lay with you, you could stay with me afterwards. We could be… family."_

_She scoffed. "This is not about _love _or settling down like everyone else will do after this Blight," she snapped, "This is about saving your life. That is why Flemeth asked you to take me with you. It was her intention, and my job. You will let me have the child, or you will let someone die."_

"_But… why?" It was all he could manage. She seemed to regard him with a sort of worry and concern, but that look went as fast as it had come._

"_I simply do not wish to stay here," she told him tersely, "Or with you."_

"_That's not a good enough reason to leave with _my _child," Fenix growled, "It will be of my _blood_, after all. Cousland blood. It will be one of us."_

"_I do not care for such things—family, stability… or love. I told you this from the start," she countered, avoiding eye contact, "I told you to tread carefully, did I not, or else you would regret it. Do you regret it now, then? Do you regret kissing me or having me in your arms? Do you regret loving me?"_

_Fenix frowned. "No," he said, after a long time, "because those were the happiest moments of my life—even if we were in the middle of a Blight. Because I had you, I felt like you were all I needed to keep… sane. I've never felt this way for anyone before—I'm in love, Morrigan. With you, and only you."_

_She seemed to choke, as though no words were able to come out from her mouth. His words struck her in some way, but Fenix wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. He knew she never was someone to look for seriousness in matters of the heart, but if he tried hard enough, then maybe she would change her mind…_

"_So be it," she said flatly, "I can see that you do not fear death—what could possibly happen if you lost _me_?"_

"_Worse things," Fenix replied, his blue eyes searching for that woman he loved, and had loved him back in return. "I cannot just agree to let you have my child—what's more, an _Old God_—out of a need to live. It will only be because I loved you that I would do it. But you will not stay with me… so is there a use for this child after all? I think not."_

"_Do not be stubborn," she argued. "You know it is the only way to save your small band of Grey Wardens… and you. I am not without a heart, of course. Bear in mind that I think of you as well when I ask this of you."_

"_No." The word left his lips almost reluctantly, and he feared that she would storm out instantly. He turned away._

_After a moment's silence, he thought she had gone from him. He was wrong._

"_I see," she said slowly, "Well, there is of course, another option."_

_He turned back to her again, not daring to hope._

"_I speak of course, of Alistair," she said without even blinking, "He is a Grey Warden just as you are, and he would serve for the ritual."_

_Rage coursed through Fenix's veins like wildfire. His blue eyes shone with anger—something she had never seen unless in battle alongside him. This time, he was angry at _her_. _

"_No!" he yelled, "What are you thinking? I will not let another man lay with you and… let you… let you have _his _child!"_

_There was a small smile playing upon her lips. "I see," she said softly. "But if Riordan fails, do you think Alistair will hesitate? _He _will die the hero of Ferelden, Maric's son, and you will be forgotten… just like me. You have good reasons to tell him to save his own life, if you will not take part in the ritual yourself. Consider carefully."_

"_I… no," Fenix said, sighing, "I meant what I said. I'd never let anyone—not even him—touch you."_

"_Do not let your foolish pride condemn you!" she persuaded, "No Grey Warden asked for the sacrifice that is now demanded of them, and I offer you all a way out. Will you not reconsider?"_

"_Not even if it could save our lives," Fenix said, "I… I love you. But if I have to die, it will be with honor. You have my answer."_

_She stood up, her eyes filled with anger. "Then you are a fool!" she said loudly, glaring at him. She strode over to the fireplace. "I will not stand by and watch you waste this opportunity. Die, if you feel it is worthwhile, or be overshadowed, I care not."_

"_You speak as though we never shared anything," Fenix said softly, hurt at her honest words, "Please. Don't go."_

"_Would that I could have helped you," she said, her voice stiff, "It is your doing, not mine."_

"_No…" he croaked, approaching her slowly. He reached out for her hand, but she moved away from him._

"_Fare you well, my… my love. I do what I must now and… and so shall you," she said, her expression growing pained and reluctant. It disappeared within a second, however, and all Fenix could do was to face the fire, not wanting to watch her leave him forever._

_He heard her shapeshift, and then the pitter-patter of paws echoed down the hallway outside his room. He listened to it, until it could be heard no longer. Until silence came, and drowned him in it. _Why didn't you follow her? _Angry thoughts filled his head, followed by sad pleas to someone that was already absent._

_Morrigan had gone. That night, before the final battle, Fenix Cousland cried._

_Vigil's Keep_

_Present day_

Fenix awoke with a start and sat upright, breathing heavily. He still felt that same, frantic feeling as he did in that dream and four months ago, when he had realized that Morrigan was slipping from his grasp. He raised his hand to his face, and felt wetness. It was then that he knew that he had been crying in his sleep, just as he had before. He lay back down onto his bed, and stared up at the ceiling silently and closed his eyes soon after. Minutes later, they opened wide again. He sat up again and sighed, rubbing his eyes. Such dreams had happened before, mostly of the better times with Morrigan, but this was a dream—no, a nightmare—he had not wanted to relive.

He got off his bed and made his way out into the courtyard, and was glad to see only two guards on night duty. They did not see him, though they were standing at the entrance to the Keep. Fenix squinted, and noticed that they were asleep. _If darkspawn attacked right now, they would be dead within the minute. _He sat on the edge of the fountain, and lifted his head to the sky. The stars were all out again, and Fenix tried to scan the sky for Alindra's star, but they all looked identical. Such love stories were nice to listen to, but Fenix often found himself envying the characters afterwards—only because he missed Morrigan's presence around him. It saddened him most of the time.

"Still awake?" Leliana's voice drifted out of nowhere. Fenix turned around in surprise.

"Oh, good—er—morning. I expect it's already tomorrow," he said, half-smiling.

"What are you doing out here?" she asked, sitting down next to him.

"I… had a dream," Fenix confessed, "A bad one."

"Nightmares scare Grey Wardens? You're still having those?" Leliana asked, her blue eyes filled with concern and her voice laced with care.

"Not those kind of dreams," Fenix said, shrugging, "I… dreamt of her. And me. Before the battle."

"I see," Leliana said, nodding slowly, "You must miss her."

"I do," Fenix said, "I really do. And I know she knows."

"The ring, right?" Her eyes fell upon the golden ring.

He nodded. "It's the only thing to remember her by," Fenix said, "Sometimes, it speaks to me."

"I'm sure it does," Leliana said, "If my lover gave me that, I would treasure it as much as you do. I would use it to find him, if need be."

"I could never find her," Fenix said, "Even if it were possible, I'm sure she made it impossible for me." He chuckled half-heartedly at that.

"It's all right," she whispered, stroking his hand, "You will see her again."

"But… it's so unfair," Fenix said, biting his lower lip and shaking his head.

"I know, but if you and her are meant to be—"

He turned around to look at her, his eyes pained. "I'm not talking about that," he told her, "I'm saying it's unfair for you, Leliana."

"Me? What do I have to do with anything?" she asked, shocked at his outburst.

"You do," Fenix said, "Because you… you love me. I can't go on hurting you like this, you know that? It hurts me too, because you're important to me. I… don't like it when I speak of Morrigan in front of you because I know you'll be heartbroken. It's not right to treat someone so insensitively."

"Fenix, I have never felt that way…"

"Don't lie to me," he said, "Don't tell me you didn't feel hurt when you saw my reaction towards that ghoul who was wearing _her _ring to me. I saw it, Leliana. I did."

"What does it matter? You love Morrigan!" Leliana said, her voice cracked, "I know you will never love me like you love her, but no matter how many times I tell you I love you, it will never happen to me. You are a good man, someone better than Marjolaine. I used to think she was the one for me, but when I met you, I felt like the Maker gave you to me… for a second chance. But it isn't that way, is it?"

"If that is what the Maker declares," Fenix said resolutely, his eyes still locked with hers. "Then I cannot deny His order, can I?"

"Now you sound stupid…"

His hands found her waist. "You're right," he said, "Every time I speak of Morrigan like a lovesick puppy, I _do _sound incredibly stupid. I should not… I should not waste my time waiting for someone who might never take me again. I'm wasting my life, in fact. But you've been here for me ever since the Blight ended. You've stuck with me, while Morrigan's absence only tears me apart. You've been piecing me back together. I owe you so much."

Leliana's heart skipped a beat, as she felt his hands come into contact with her waist. He had never touched her that way before, but yet she felt at ease. His grip on her was strong, yet gentle and thoughtful at the same time. It was almost sincere, the way he looked at her.

"What are you saying?" she asked him softly.

Fenix's lips stretched into a small smile. "I'm saying…" he whispered, leaning in towards her face, "…that there isn't much that can be spoken to let you know how I feel about you. I think it should be clear."

"You're lying to yourself."

Fenix did not bother to argue as he kissed her long and hard. Leliana did not bother fighting it; it was something she had always wanted from him ever since they met. As he slowly pulled away from the kiss, Leliana could only manage a few words, breathing hard, "You don't have to do this for me."

"You don't understand," Fenix said, stroking her face, "I'm doing it for both of us."

"I will only… accept it if I am sure you love me," Leliana said, reluctantly pulling herself away from the strong arms of the Warden. "And you are not obligated to do anything like this if you do not wish to. If your heart still stays with Morrigan…"

Within a flash, Fenix removed Morrigan's ring from his finger and hurled it as far as he could, and it was seen no longer. Leliana gasped. "Why did you do that?" she said, alarmed, "It was the only way for you to find Morrigan again!"

"I don't want to find her anymore," Fenix said, "It's useless. What if she never loves me again? I don't want to waste my time and yours. I'm being honest, here."

"So… am I just a substitute?"

He winced. "That wasn't what I meant, Leliana. You know that."

"No, I don't," she said, standing up, "And as much as I… enjoyed that kiss, I don't want to just be someone who stands in for Morrigan. I know you know it too. You still love her, but it won't be the same for me. And you do not owe me anything."

Before he could stop her, she left without a word, not before letting out an uncontrolled sob. _Oh, Maker…_

.

.

Leliana fell onto her bed, confused at her own emotions. She was supposed to be _happy _Fenix had finally turned to her, but instead, she was crying her heart out to the pillow. She did not understand it—this had been what she had always wanted, but now she was not in the least bit delighted that the Grey Warden had finally told her—in a way—that he loved her, and that he was willing to forget Morrigan for her. And Leliana knew how much Morrigan meant to him. It almost felt like a crime to her to just walk away from Fenix after he kissed her and had tried reassuring her that she was not _just _a substitute, but Leliana could not control her thoughts. They knew, somehow, that Fenix was still in love with Morrigan, but she could also not deny the sincerity he directed towards her. It seemed that he was serious, but Leliana could not accept it.

_Isn't this what you've been waiting for? Why are you blocking him out now? _Leliana thought to herself, unhappy at her own reaction towards him. She should have embraced him right there and then, and told him that she would never leave him like Morrigan did, because she loved him truly and would never seek to hurt him. She should have kissed him again, because it felt like the sweetest sensation in the world to her. She should have accepted him and they should have forgotten Morrigan from that moment onwards. She could have just went back to find him again, but a part of her refused to do so. Even if he did throw _her _ring to him away just like that, Leliana could not bring herself to believe that she was now _not _second best in his eyes.

What would happen if Morrigan just happened to reappear now? Leliana was almost certain Fenix would abandon her for Morrigan. _Oh, stop being so paranoid, _she chided herself. She edged closer to the window, where it overlooked the courtyard. She had been awake, thinking of _him_, when he appeared there looking thoroughly troubled and unable to sleep. She was drawn to him for all the right reasons, and now she was distancing herself from him for all the _wrong _reasons. She noticed that he was still sitting there, looking solemn and slightly frustrated—with himself? Or with her? She did not know. She had the urge to just go back down there to talk to him, to apologize, but she dared not to.

"Oh, Fenix…" she whispered, "I love you."

_Frostback Mountains_

In an instant, she felt it. The emptiness and silence that followed soon after the anger and sadness had subsided had shocked her at first. She did not think he would actually bring himself to do it, but something must have triggered his action. He had finally thrown the ring away, and she could feel him no longer. She still knew he would be at Vigil's Keep in Amaranthine, but if he happened to leave, she would lose track of his whereabouts forever. Her golden eyes shut tight, stopping the tears that were begging to be released. She did not want to lose him like this—it was far too fast. She had wanted him to find his way about her enchantment, so that he could find her again, but it was too late. He had given up on her, just as he thought she had on him.

She brought her hands to her face. She'd left him first, so she could not blame him for being angry at her. And yet, there was a certain regret in her. There always was—ever since she left Redcliffe, and left him to his own fate as a Grey Warden. At first she thought he would be the one to die, but days after news of the archdemon's death had reached her, she knew he was still there. He was travelling to Amaranthine, but he felt empty—without a soul. She thought it was because of her, that he became so broken.

It was then that she heard again that Alistair had given his own life to kill the archdemon. The Warden could not bring himself to kill it, she was certain. He must have been reluctant to head into battle with her absence. Now, he was ruined.

And it was her fault.

She was not surprised now at the fact that he had finally thrown her ring away. She had expected it for some time, of course, but it was not so soon. It had only been four months, and now they were truly separated from each other. Her heart ached, if she felt anything other than frustration. She was heartbroken, or at least, going to be. She missed him as much as he used to, but there was no point now.

Morrigan knew she had lost her chance.


	5. Chapter 5

**5: Second Chance**

_A/N: Firstly, I apologise for the delay. I've been awfully busy with school and projects and I hardly had time to even get out of the house to do something other than study. But I've finally done chapter 5! Thank you so much for the reviews you guys 8D Recently, I've liked Leliana more and more (partly because I figured out who modeled for her in Sacred Ashes—she's super hot… Morrigan's model was hot too but I won't ramble—I'm starting to sound like a pervert, don't mind me please 8D) and I think I might make it a Warden/Leliana… but I'm still undecided, so no promises! The reviews make me happy and keep me motivated to finish this story. I'm a Dragon Age junkie, what can I say? Oh, and I'm going to skip some parts a bit, actually I'm going to skip one whole chunk because this is not about Awakening, but rather a Leliana/Warden/Morrigan so… haha. 8D_

_Lothering outskirts_

_Six months before_

"_Have you ever been hunted by the Chantry?" he asked her, glancing in her direction. Behind him, he could hear Alistair scoff—he was probably wondering why Fenix even bothered to ask Morrigan about her past._

_Her golden eyes settled on his, her lips forming a small smile. "You are very cute to ask so many questions," she said, chuckling._

_He smiled back at her. "And you are cute when you're evasive," he told her._

"_Really? Perhaps we should be wrapped in ribbons and adorned with flowers, so cute are we two," she replied, laughing again. Her laughter echoed in his mind and ears, ringing sweetly like music to his ears._

_Vigil's Keep_

_Present day_

That was when she dissolved away from view as he woke up to Leliana's eyes. She was a little shocked that he had woken up already and looked like she wanted to run out of his room right now, but she was already here, nevertheless.

"Hey," he managed, feeling his heart in this throat.

"Hi," she replied, probably just as nervous as he was. Fenix had wanted to go to her first, but she had come to him instead. And she had been watching him sleep. It did not scare him, but it reminded him of the days of the last Blight, the nights when she let slip that she used to stay awake at night and watch him sleep.

She was too sweet to hurt.

"Listen," he said, still feeling a little dazed, "I need to apologize to you."

"No, _I _do," she responded, placing her finger on his lips. "I'm sorry I reacted so stupidly the last time we spoke. I was just… I couldn't believe you wanted me… _loved _me like you loved Morrigan. I always thought it was impossible between you and I because you were so in love with her, and I could only assume you turned to me because you realized that you might not ever have her again even if you tried. I thought I was just some sort of… a fallback."

"You're not," Fenix said, his hands finding their way to hers, "I promise you, what I said wasn't a joke. I wouldn't joke about it. I wouldn't hurt you. I know it's hard to believe and all, but I am serious about it. I threw away that ring for a reason—and it was for you."

"You speak the truth?" she asked him, her blue eyes hopeful; curious. He smiled at her, and nodded.

"As true as it'll ever be," he told her, "I won't lie."

"I love you," she blurted, and immediately turned red. She had never been so direct with her words when it came to such matters of the heart, and the way she had said it sounded almost desperate—and it embarrassed her slightly. Leliana gripped his hands tightly.

He leaned in towards her. "I love you, too." Before Leliana realized it, their lips had already met and she was thrown into a blissful oblivion again, her heart hammering furiously in her chest—she was almost sure Fenix could hear it too. She felt his lips with hers; there was a certain roughness to them, but she could not complain. They were sweeter than anything else she ever knew, and his scent was simply intoxicating. Her hands eventually let go of his and moved up to his face, feeling his skin and caressing them slowly—lovingly. Like a child, she let herself be surrounded by his arms and moved closer to him, drowning herself in the moment. She had always wanted to touch him in this way—the way Morrigan could touch him and hold him—or be held by him—so freely, whenever she wanted. Love had never felt so fulfilling in her life.

Eventually, they stopped—only because they ran out of air to breathe while having their lips locked to each other's. Leliana had a smile on her face, while Fenix merely looked at her as though she would disappear if he turned his head away.

"Why do you look at me that way?" she asked him, secretly enjoying the attention she received from him.

His lips—those perfect lips—broke into a small grin. "I always want to look at you," he answered, "Always."

It sounded like a promise. She wrapped her arms around his neck and brought him close to her and rested her head on his shoulder, saying, "I won't object to that."

"That's good," he said, chuckling. She suddenly felt his lips on her neck, and gasped at the ticklish sensation he gave her. She giggled, but said no more. They remained like that for a while, with Fenix kissing her neck and occasionally sending waves of electricity down her spine, causing her to shiver slightly with pleasure. Leliana had never dared to dream of a day like this—where she was so close to him, closer than she had ever imagined herself to be and where she finally had his heart… fully. It was as though the Maker Himself was smiling upon them, for she felt happier than she had ever been before.

She would always be thankful to the Maker for bringing the Warden into the inn at Lothering that day.

She heard him sigh. "What is it?" she asked him.

"It's nothing," he replied. "I'm just… happy. After such a long time I finally feel the warmth of someone else in my arms. I feel like my heart has been pieced back together and stolen—by you. It's a wonderful thing to feel. How could I have forgotten that?"

Leliana giggled. "I feel exactly the same way," she said. "It almost feels like a happy ending."

"For us," Fenix said, "But it doesn't mean we can throw our duties away, although that is a very tempting offer. Amaranthine would burn if I gave in to any more of my desires… regarding you, of course." He chuckled.

"How sweet of you to so honestly tell me that," Leliana said, "Now Oghren and Anders would have something to be jealous about."

"I forgot about them. What if I hurt their feelings?" he teased, feigning guilt, "What if they cry?"

"Oh, we couldn't care less about them," Leliana joked, pulling away from him and looking into his eyes again—oh, how much she loved that beautiful shade of blue in his eyes—with a smile that would most probably never disappear for a long time. "They will get over their 'sorrow' and turn to each other soon. I can feel it."

He laughed, his eyes shining. "What a thought," he said, "It disturbs and amuses me to no end." He lifted his hand and touched her face, caressing it gently as though he was afraid she would break if he did it too hard. Leliana sighed at his touch and closed her eyes, feeling her rapid heartbeat gradually calming the more she felt him. She no longer felt like it was a crime to love him and was no longer scared to look at him or get close to him.

It was a beautiful feeling.

"Ever since Marjolaine," she started, her eyes still closed, "I have never felt this way for anyone before. I am grateful for you."

"I… you're welcome," Fenix said, "I don't know what to say about Marjolaine…"

"You don't have to say anything about her," Leliana replied, with her eyes open again, "I love you. That's all I can actually say and think about right now."

"Well, I like the way you say it," he said, "I wouldn't mind hearing it every single day."

"You'll regret saying that," Leliana said, shaking her head, "But I appreciate the attention."

"Well… we've been here long enough. I expect the seneschal is wondering why the Warden-Commander is sleeping in."

Leliana pouted. "What a way to kill the mood," she groaned. Fenix could only laugh. "I promise you, after everything is over, I will spend the rest of my days with you," he said reassuringly, "If not, you can leave me if it pleases you."

"I would never leave you," Leliana told him, "It may sound obsessive, but you don't have to worry about me disappearing like… Morrigan."

Fenix's face did not show any hint of anger, sadness or even irritation, but all that she received was a smile. "Thank you," he said.

_Three weeks later_

_Vigil's Keep_

And then, it was over.

Peace had come back to the region of Amaranthine, and Fenix Cousland could finally release his bated breath. The Broodmother was finally dead, and all darkspawn had fled back into the Deep Roads, never to come back for a long time, until they find another Old God to taint. Fenix could only hope that they would take a long time—he had been exhausted from the last Blight, and he never wanted to experience another one again. His companions, too, had chosen their own paths.

Oghren had returned to Felsi, and had mentioned that he would visit Highever after he went back to Orzammar to 'brag about the surface' to his other old friends. Anders chose to stay at the Keep as one of the remaining Wardens here, and promised Fenix that he would do his best to increase the Wardens' number and await the Commander's return one day. Nathaniel chose to stay as well, simply because the Keep was once his family's home. He had also brought Delilah back, and Fenix had observed that it made him a much happier man to be home with his last family member. Justice, by the time the Broodmother was killed, had already left Kristoff's body, and Fenix held a funeral for the fallen Warden before he planned to leave. Sigrun simply vanished, but Fenix knew that her life as a Warden would not be over so easily, and he expected to hear from her again from the Keep soon. Velanna, being exiled, had no where else to go except stay at the Keep, but she was more than willing to because she, too, was a Grey Warden.

Fenix knew the Keep was in safe hands. He had offered to give up his post of Warden-Commander to someone else, but everyone else refused.

"You'll always be the Commander," Oghren had said with a chuckle, "Whether you like it or not."

He emerged from Vigil's Keep with his belongings early in the morning, before the sun had risen. He was returning home to Highever—much to his delight—to see his brother Fergus and the mabari war hound he had missed so much, Valor. And he was not returning home alone.

There, at the front gates, was Leliana. She seemed to be lost in thought, but there was a trace of happiness in her face. The gentle morning light that shone down on her made her look much more beautiful than Fenix had ever remembered, and he felt his heart race. After so long, he had finally found his lost happiness. After so long, he had forgotten about Morrigan, and now looked upon _his _Leliana.

"Ready to go?" he said quietly behind her, startling her a little.

"More than ready," she said, smiling. "I finally get to go… am I allowed to say home?"

"Of course," Fenix said, "Your home is my home, love. Never forget that."

Leliana's eyes twinkled appreciatively. "It'll be like a sleepover," she said coyly, "But better."

He laughed. "Much better," he said, taking a hold of her soft hands. Even as a bard and assassin, Leliana's hands were still surprisingly smooth. Fenix did not complain, though. He enjoyed her completely.

"Are you ready to set off, Commander?" one of the soldiers who were to escort the two of them to Highever asked.

Fenix nodded. "Open the gate!" the soldier yelled.

As the portcullis opened, Fenix Cousland's heart skipped a beat. He was going _home_.

_Frostback Mountain pass_

_Orzammar gates_

"Heh, those suckers will want to come up to the surface too," Oghren murmured with a laugh, "After I tell them all about it. Right, Felsi?"

His wife snorted and rolled her eyes, while cradling their baby. "Don't be too high and mighty about it," she warned, "And try to keep the stay here as short as possible. I want to return to Lake Calenhad…"

"We haven't been here in a while," Oghren countered, "And I forgot what Orzammar's booze tasted like. Heh." He imagined being in the old tavern again, getting into random squabbles and fights that he almost always lost because he was too drunk. He missed being underground, but he also didn't want to be away from the surface for too long. He had grown to love the surface ever since he stepped out of Orzammar with the Grey Warden, and he had not regretted doing so since.

"_Please _don't get drunk," Felsi pleaded with an exasperated sigh. She knew how he would be like if he was drunk—unable to speak and move properly until he slept for a few hours or maybe even a whole day—and dreaded looking forward to staying in Orzammar for even a day more if her husband drank more than he could handle.

The two approached the steps to the front gates when suddenly, a familiar voice attracted Oghren's attention.

"Well I never thought I'd see you here again," the voice said, still as cocky and straightforward as ever. Oghren turned around in surprise, and his jaw dropped.

"By the… _Morrigan_?" Oghren said, in disbelief. He had not seen her since the eve of the battle at Denerim, and he had since assumed that she escaped out of fear of dying, but the constant look of emptiness on the Warden's face during the battle told him otherwise.

The witch smiled. "I'm glad you still remember my name. 'Tis reassuring to know I haven't been forgotten. But I seem to have forgotten yours," she said mockingly, though she was nonetheless pleased to see a former companion of the Warden.

"What are you doing all the way in Orzammar? Or at least above it?" asked Oghren.

"I have been within the Frostback Mountains for a time now, ever since the battle in Denerim," she explained, "And now I emerge… to find our Grey Warden."

"But you chickened out," Oghren said spitefully, "Why?"

Morrigan shook her head. "'Tis a problem of mine and the Warden's, you need not know," Morrigan said. "I just need to know where he is."

"Last I remembered, he was going home," said Oghren, "to Highever."

"Alone?" Morrigan asked.

"Nah, he's got some guards and that Leliana with him," Oghren replied, "What makes you think he'll want to see you?"

Morrigan frowned. "That is not your problem, Oghren," she said, feeling a spark of jealousy at the very mention of Leliana's name. What was the bard girl doing with him? Did he truly forget her already? "But thank you for the tip. Now I must go before I freeze to death and he grows white hair and a long beard."

"Heh," Oghren said, shaking his head, "You're no different from when I last saw you, Morrigan. Still as angry as ever."

"I… I am not an _angry _witch!" she protested, "I shall not waste time with you here. May we never see each other again!"

Oghren let out a hearty laugh. "I'll be going to Highever after this visit… it won't be the last you see of me, Morrigan!" he taunted, which inflamed Morrigan even more. It reminded her of the nights at camp, where she had never passed up the opportunity to outtalk Oghren in his drunken stupor. She remembered that he was always in one corner, laughing and looking at her with a sort of admiration in his eyes. She pushed the memories away from her mind and turned around without a word and made her way down the pass after shapeshifting into a crow.

After all that time in the mountains, and especially after she realized he had thrown her ring away, Morrigan gave in to herself. She wanted to see him again, if only from a distance. She did not need him to speak to her, though she longed to hear his gentle voice again. She burned to touch him as well, but knew that she could not get near him without seeing the anger in his eyes. He was probably angry at her for leaving him, and he probably would never find the strength to forgive her. It disheartened her, but Morrigan could only hope that he still had his feelings for her.

She still loved him as much as she did before, but the question that prodded her was whether he still loved her back in return as well.


	6. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

Hello all.

I'm so sorry to say this but I'll be on a 3 week hiatus starting now, because my exams are coming up and I've been lacking slightly. I hope you understand and know that I will always be thinking of ways to improve this story and the Leliana/Warden/Morrigan romance and that going on.

Also, a note I'd like to add pertaining to the recent reviews I've been reading:

I have to agree the whole Cousland/Leliana thing is a little too abrupt, but I'd like to point out that Cousland probably feels too shattered by the whole incident of Morrigan leaving, so he is in a sort of denial—I'm aware that you can't forget about someone you loved with your entire heart in such a short period of time. Oh, we've all been there, I'm sure xD I'm also quite unhappy with the way I've written it so fast, but hey, we all know Cousland will always have a thing for Morrigan, no matter how wonderfully sincere Leliana is. That's probably why I titled this 'Second Best' in the first place. We all must acknowledge that nothing comes as close to a Cousland/Morrigan romance. I'm so sorry about the whole OOC-ness for Leliana, but I try my best and I hope I'll improve in the coming chapters… and if I ever write more DA fics, that is. ^^ Thank you!

I hope you won't kill me or stop reading; I'll be back as soon as I can, I PROMISE.

helltotheno


	7. Chapter 6

**6: Reunion**

_A/N: Hey guys, I'm back. Sorry I took so long, it killed me as well! Results haven't been good and I've met with some problems… but I'm back! And so is Morrigan… BioWare has just released the Witch Hunt DLC, the one we Warden/Morrigan shippers have been praying to the Maker for… I for one am super excited. Thank the Maker!_

_Highever_

_Days later_

Highever looked the same when Fenix left—even if he did leave after he witnessed the fall of his own family castle. Looking at the front gates only reminded him so much of that night, the night before he left for Ostagar with Duncan. The former arl of Amaranthine, Rendon Howe, had attacked his home and had killed his entire family except Fergus and him, who were lucky enough to survive. He had wanted to take his mother with him, but she refused. Instead, she had wanted to stay with her husband—his father, Bryce Cousland. The memories hurt him, but he resolved to put everything behind him and start anew and to rebuild the Cousland name.

The moment he entered the main hall, he was tackled by a much older man who was laughing so heartedly that Fenix could not resist but to laugh along as well. Behind him, Leliana giggled at the two brothers' behavior.

"I haven't seen you in months, my little brother," Fergus said, hugging his brother tightly.

"I've missed you too," Fenix replied, although he could not help but wish that his parents, sister-in-law and nephew were here to welcome him home too, "It's good to be home again."

"Indeed it is," Fergus said, letting go of Fenix, "I'll need your help in the future—I'm afraid I've been made the new teryn of Highever."

"Just like how father would have wanted it," Fenix said, grinning, "I'm sure you'll do fine without me."

"What's that I hear?" Fergus said teasingly, "My brother wants to shirk his duties already?" Fenix shot him a sheepish glance. He walked over to the fireplace and stood by the warmth for a while—the trip had been mercilessly attacked by rain and strong, freezing winds—and that's when Fergus noticed the woman that had returned with his brother.

"Greetings, my lady… I'm Fergus Cousland. You look familiar," Fergus said, stepping forward to Leliana, "Have we met?"

"I think it was at King Alistair's funeral," Leliana replied, "I remember seeing you speaking to Fenix from a distance. My name is Leliana." His brother looked so much like him—only older and looked more worn from battle, but had retained that charming look Leliana assumed the Cousland men inherited from their fathers.

"Ah, and then he went over to you," Fergus went on, "So here you are." He smiled brightly at her.

"So I am," Leliana said, returning the smile, "If you're wondering why I'm here…"

Fergus put up a hand, so that she paused. "No, no," he said, "I think I know. I'm surprised my little brother managed to sweep such a dangerous woman off her feet. You are a bard, are you not?"

Leliana nodded. "I guess it's not a secret anymore," she muttered, "That's too bad."

"Oh no," Fergus countered, "It's a secret all right—between the three of us and probably a select few… the ones who travelled with you and my brother during the Blight."

Leliana looked relieved. "That's reassuring to hear," she said, "Thank you. I wasn't sure if I was going to be well-received by the older Cousland brother of the remaining two. It was a sad thing that happened, from what Fenix told me."

Fergus smiled, though the memory of him receiving the bad news replayed in his mind again. He had been devastated when he found out and had lived in denial for a period of time, before hearing that his own brother was leading an army alongside the new King of Ferelden against the darkspawn and the archdemon. It was then that he found the resolve to pick up the pieces and hold himself together.

"It was," he agreed.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up," Leliana apologized, after detecting the sadness in Fergus' voice.

"No, I cannot run away from it forever," Fergus said. He cleared his throat after a while and turned to Fenix. "Why don't you take Leliana to her room now? It's almost time for dinner, anyway."

Fenix turned around and nodded, "I think it's time we did. We'll discuss more important matters later on, then?"

"Of course we will," Fergus said, "There is much to be done, even in our castle."

Fenix led Leliana up, and the moment they entered the room Leliana broke into a huge smile upon seeing the beautiful architecture. "This is a nice place," Leliana said, walking around the room, "Is this your room?"

"No," Fenix replied, "It was my brother's. He's moved into my parents' room. Let's get your things unpacked and we'll go for a tour of castle Cousland."

"It's so big," Leliana said, as she started to set her clothes all in one place, then her equipment in a nearby chest, "I might get lost."

"Well, you're allowed to scream my name then," he said, moving up to her, "You'll like it here. I promise."

"You don't have to promise such a silly thing to me. Its interior reminds me of Orlais… I like it already," Leliana told him, tapping him lightly on the nose. She grabbed his hand and pulled him out. "Come on, you owe me that tour."

_Hours later_

By sundown, Leliana seemed to know her way around the castle all too well already. "At least I won't have a hard time looking for you if you get lost," Fenix teased, while cleaning his desk. It seemed no one had touched his room for the duration of his absence—not even Fergus—and he had half a mind to call a servant in to clean it up for him, but then he recalled that there weren't many hands that were able to help him like before.

"You speak as though I'm a little girl," Leliana said.

"An adorable and lovable one," Fenix replied with a grin, "Does that displease you?"

She bit her lower lip, fighting the urge to smile. "It did," she said, sitting on his bed, "But I'll show mercy for this time only."

"I'm _so _scared," Fenix said with sarcasm dripping from his tone. "Maker, it's like no one's come in for centuries…"

"I bet Fergus left it like this on purpose," Leliana said, "At least, that's what I would do."

"Scheming bard," Fenix said, finally finished with the top of his desk.

"Lazy Grey Warden," Leliana said, while clicking her tongue in mock disappointment.

He turned around and raised his eyebrows at her. "Gee, thanks," he said, folding his arms, "Seeing as how I saved Ferelden, I must be really lazy…"

"Don't bask in your own glory," Leliana said, "It makes me want to hit you… now come on, Fergus wants us down for dinner now."

She took his hand and quickly dragged him down to the main hall, where the servants had already prepared their dinner on the table. Fergus was already sitting at the table, expecting them with a hearty smile. "Come," he invited them, "It'll be a small gathering tonight… that means no more lonely dinner with the guards!"

"It might grow bigger one day," Fenix said, grinning.

"What, are you speaking for yourself?" Fergus said, eyeing both his younger brother and Leliana. The bard seemed to notice the grin on both brothers, and proceeded to smack the younger Cousland brother's arm.

"Hey!"

Leliana merely smiled at Fenix. "Is something wrong?" she asked.

He looked like he wanted to say something, but then decided against it at the last moment. She turned back to Fergus, who seemed quite amused with the both of them. "So tell me," Fergus started, changing the subject, "What has become of all of your companions?"

"Well, Oghren's been traveling with his wife, I expect, and Sten went home. Zevran went back to Antiva, Wynne and Shale went to the Circle Tower… and here we are," Fenix said, poking at his steak while doing so.

Fergus scratched his head. "You missed out someone," he said, "That… dangerous-looking witch that was with you. I never really caught her name…"

Fenix felt as though his heart and stomach just exchanged places. "Oh," he said, clearing his throat, "You mean Morrigan."

"Oh, right, that was the name," Fergus said, "Yes, her. What happened to her?"

"I don't know," Fenix replied, shrugging, "She had… to attend to some personal matters."

"Really?" muttered Fergus, "I saw her slipping away the night before that dreadful battle… must be some very personal and urgent matters…"

"Can we not talk about her?" Fenix snapped suddenly, dropping his fork in frustration.

Fergus frowned. "I had the impression that you were friends with everyone," he said, and sighed. "Well, my brother can't please everyone can he?" He chuckled.

"Yeah," Fenix said, "I guess I can't."

An awkward silence fell upon the dinner table, and Fergus seemed to realize Fenix's unhappiness at the mention of Morrigan. He decided he would speak to his brother about it later, lest he embarrassed him in front of Leliana. He knew Fenix had his pride, and even though the boy was humble most of the times, Fergus still knew every man had a limit when it came to the proud lion in every man's heart.

"Well, let's eat," Fergus said, "We wouldn't want the food to get cold…"

_Later that night_

The last time their lips touched, he was sent up higher than he could ever imagine himself to be. He could remember how soft her lips were, and how surprisingly gentle she became whenever they kissed or touched. He remembered all those sensations she gave him whenever they became intimate in their little corner, and how fast his heart beat whenever they looked upon each other with small smiles they did not realize they had.

He remembered those golden eyes of hers, the ones that twinkled beautifully when she smiled or burned with a fire when she got angry—the only pair of eyes that he could never forget and would haunt him always.

He remembered her voice, too, whenever she called his name. It sent his pulse racing—like her voice was the most wonderful sound in the world that was music to his ears. He could never forget anything about her, and he surely did not want to forget either.

But where was she now? Did she forget him already?

His hand moved to the other, and felt a strange emptiness as he felt his fourth finger free of the ring he had worn for so long. He had hoped, for many nights, that it would speak to him and tell him where she was—but it never spoke, save for one night when he felt her sorrow and regret. He had so much hope since then, but it had only led up to him throwing it away on impulse. He regretted throwing that ring away, but he could not bring himself to miss her anymore. He had a new life ahead of him without her, and he had Leliana.

_Bastard, _he scolded himself, _I'm using Leliana. Maker, what am I doing?_

"Fenix?" his brother's voice brought him out of his own angry thoughts.

He turned around. "Fergus," he said, "Still up?"

"I should be asking you that, though I'm hardly surprised," Fergus said, chuckling. "Tell me about your worries, brother."

Fenix shook his head. "I'm not worrying about anything," he lied, though he knew by those intelligent eyes of his brother's that he was completely transparent tonight.

"Come on," Fergus said, "You haven't done so in ages. Talk to me, my little brother."

"It's nothing important," he said, looking away.

"I don't believe Morrigan was never important to you," Fergus pointed out. Fenix swallowed hard, feeling the rush of emotions come at him again, like they always did. "You love her, don't you? More than you love Leliana?"

"No," Fenix said, "I… Leliana and Morrigan are two different people!"

"Are you sure that's how you see things?" Fergus asked, placing his hand on Fenix's shoulder. "Let me tell you something, Fenix. There was once, when we were still young, where I was caught between two beautiful women. One of them was Oriana, and the other was a girl named Veron."

"Veron? You mean that irritating daughter of a lord from Amaranthine? _That _Veron?"

Fergus chuckled. "That's right," he replied, "And how I loved the both of them so. It just so happened that one day, I fell out with dear Oriana. I then turned to Veron, who comforted me and listened to me. I think I did it on impulse, when I kissed her. But after that, feelings grew and I seemed to be in love with her… well, or so I thought I was. It was infuriating when I was with her and saw Oriana on the streets whenever we went out, because I would feel flustered and I would just… I'd want to hang around Oriana more, if you know what I mean. I liked Veron a lot, but sometimes it occurred to me that I liked Oriana more because she was easier to be with, and she was not as much a harpy as Veron was whenever she got upset with anything. Not that I hated the other, of course…"

Fenix folded his arms. "She always was a complete bitch. What I don't get is the point you're trying to tell me…"

"My point is, there's always going to be a silver lining between two people," Fergus said, "And you have erased that silver lining… and you are pretending that whenever you hold Leliana close, you hold Morrigan close."

"I never…"

"You say that, but you never know what you really feel unless you look deep inside you," Fergus said, poking a finger at his brother's chest. "Your heart will tell you who you belong with."

"Choosing will hurt someone," Fenix said, "I would prefer to never see Morrigan again and live happily ever after…"

"But not as happily as you would with the one you really love," Fergus said, "That's why I married Oriana. I knew she was the _only _one for me."

"Oh, brother," Fenix said, smiling a little, "Remember how much tears you let loose on the wedding day because you were too happy?"

Fergus chuckled and wagged a finger at Fenix. "Now, now, don't turn this on me," he said. "The decision is yours, brother."

"I know who I want," Fenix said.

Fergus shrugged. "Don't tell me," he said, "Tell yourself."


	8. Chapter 7

**7: Unexpected Guests**

_A/N: Hello folks! I realize my last chapter was a bit rushed and unsatisfactory… so I'm going to make up for it with the remaining chapters. Hah! So has anyone touched the Witch Hunt DLC yet? I have, and the ending nearly sent me to bed in tears… well, okay, if you're into emotional reunions plus an ending you'd never expect. The DLC seems to have changed my perception on the Warden/Morrigan pairing, and I believe it's going to influence this story. I shan't say more… except that spending seven bucks on Witch Hunt was extremely worth it. Long live BioWare! Now, back to the story…_

_Highever_

_Castle Cousland_

_A week later_

"Do you really think they're home?"

"I'm sure of it, Felsi! I don't think Fenix has much to do after the Blight and everything…" Oghren said gruffly, as they approached the impressive castle that stood before them. He had never been to Highever before, and it was a miracle they actually found their way together. Felsi had almost wanted to go home and wait for Oghren instead, but her husband would not have it any other way—she suspected it was because he did not want to get lost alone.

The guards seemed to notice them as they approached, and did not hesitate to approach the couple. "Hail," one of the guards said, "State your business."

"I'm lookin' for Fenix Cousland," Oghren said, "That is… if he's home…"

The guard eyed Oghren up and down. "What business might you have with Lord Cousland?" he asked, folding his arms. He found it hard to believe that a seemingly drunken dwarf and his wife would have anything to do with Fenix Cousland, younger brother of the teryn.

"What, you don't believe me?" Oghren said, glaring up at the guard. "I'm a friend of his and I think makin' social calls is legal and harmless… sodding surfacers… always too suspicious…"

The doors swung open behind them. "Not if you're drunk," Fenix said, grinning at Oghren, "I heard your yelling and I was afraid you might kill one of my guards."

"Good afternoon, my lord," the guard greeted, stepping aside.

Fenix waved them off. "It's fine," he told them, "Oghren's an old friend." The guards saluted, and then went back to their positions, though the guard that had spoken directly to Oghren seemed none too pleased that a drunkard would get his way so easily. _And he called us 'sodding surfacers'… Maker, I wouldn't believe they were friends unless I saw it…_

Fenix led them into the main hall, seemingly pleased at their visit. "What brought you here?" Fenix asked, "I haven't seen you and Felsi in a while!"

Oghren chuckled. "I just wanted to visit an old friend, Warden. I got bored of showing off in Orzammar and decided it'd be best if I stopped by Highever, since it wasn't so far away…" he said, scratching his butt shamelessly. Felsi smacked his hand away and he jumped in alarm. "We're in a noble lord's castle, Oghren! Why can't you behave decently for once, even if you _are _drunk?" she reprimanded him, shaking her head in disapproval.

"I told you, he's a friend," Oghren argued, "I can do whatever I sodding please…"

Fenix chuckled. "Sit down, Oghren, and regale me with tales of your return to Orzammar," he said, offering Oghren and Felsi seats.

"And leave me out of it?" Leliana said, appearing from the doorway, "My, my, isn't someone selfish."

"I was just about to call you!" Fenix said hastily, "Really."

Leliana shook her head. "Lazy Grey Warden," she said, punching him playfully in the arm. "Hello Oghren! It's nice to see you again."

The dwarf grinned at her. "I was wondering where you were," Oghren said, after a few hiccups, "Thought I'd find you later in Fenix's bed, eh?" He chuckled and turned to Felsi, as though he was expecting some sort of agreement, but only received a backhand slap.

"Sodding idiot," Felsi muttered, looking away. "I'm really sorry—he got drunk hours ago at the nearby tavern when we were actually supposed to be asking for directions…"

"You got lost?" Fenix asked, not bothering to hide his amused grin. Oghren grumbled something under his breath, and rolled his eyes before answering. "We didn't get _lost_, we were just… just… well, we weren't lost!" he argued helplessly, glancing at Felsi for help. He only received a nonchalant shrug in return, and sighed heavily.

"Well, considering your state," Fenix muttered, "I wouldn't be surprised."

"What's that?" Oghren slurred, his eyes already drooping.

"Oh, nothing," Fenix said, "Let's go up then, I have a spare room for you and Felsi. You'll tell me about your travels tomorrow—right now, you need rest."

Oghren stumbled slightly as he tried to stand up, the overdose of ale finally taking its effects on the dwarven warrior. Fenix helped him up by holding one arm, and Felsi immediately proceeded to hold onto the other, muttering something about a 'useless slob who only knows how to drink'. Leliana followed closely behind.

As soon as they entered the room, Fenix and Felsi pushed Oghren onto the bed, and he fell over with a _thump_.

"Rest easy," Fenix said, chuckling.

"Heh, yeah…" Oghren mumbled, "I saw Morrigan too… Orzammar booze ain't as great…"

Her name stopped him in his tracks, as he turned to leave. He turned back to Oghren again and rushed to his side. He grabbed Oghren by the shoulders and shook him. "Did you say you saw Morrigan?" Fenix asked, "Where did you see her? Oghren? Oghren!" The dwarf did not respond, but had instead already fallen asleep. Felsi placed her hands on Fenix's and shook her head.

"He'll say nothing once he's knocked out," Felsi said.

"Where was Morrigan?" Fenix asked, turning to Felsi.

"She was passing by Orzammar as we were waiting for entrance," Felsi said, "She said something about looking for you. She even asked about you."

Fenix's heart skipped a beat. Morrigan was searching for him? Could it have been because she sensed that he had thrown the ring away? Did she still think about him, then? "Did she say anything else?" Fenix asked.

"No," Felsi said, shaking her head, "She only asked where you were and we told her. Then she just… went off. I'm not sure if she's coming, my lord."

Fenix frowned. She would be coming to Highever soon, he presumed. He started to imagine what would happen if she really did show up at his doorstep—what would they talk about? What would she want from him this time? Would she stay for good this time? All the questions flooded his mind as Fenix watched blankly as Felsi covered Oghren with a blanket. Was she in Ferelden all this while? Why hadn't he sensed her earlier?

He could have looked for her.

A tinge of regret could be seen in his eyes as he looked to the doorway, expecting Leliana to advise him, but she was already gone. He bit his lower lip. Did he really still have that silver lining in place after all?

_Library_

"I thought I'd find you here," Fenix said, standing at the doorway. Leliana was burying herself in a particularly thick book, one that Fenix knew she never would take a deep interest in—it was titled _Dragons and Their Blood_—as though she was trying to drown out her surroundings if she read hard enough. She looked up at him for a brief second, before looking back down at the book. He strode over to her and sat down on the ground next to her, unsure of what to say. He was so overwhelmed with the news that he was flustered and surprised, but he still knew that Leliana was still unhappy with the news anyway, regardless of the past friendship between Morrigan and her.

_If _there was a friendship forged in the first place.

"You… like reading about dragons?" Fenix said dumbly, scratching his head, "I… I never knew."

"There are many things you don't know about me," Leliana stated flatly, "Now if you'll excuse me…"

His hand found hers and she looked up immediately, seemingly startled. "I know you're upset," Fenix said, "I know you never wanted her to show up like this again."

"Who said I was upset about her appearance?" Leliana argued, "Who said anything about me not wanting her to be with you again?"

"Please," Fenix pleaded sadly, "Don't do this to me."

Leliana narrowed her eyes at him—something she had never done unless it was directed towards Oghren or Alistair. He was taken aback by her hostility, but was determined to calm her down. "And exactly _what _am I doing to you?" Leliana asked, her tone darkening.

"I'm sorry," Fenix apologized, his eyes softening—burning into hers until she swore she could feel it in her soul, "I don't know what to say."

"You've always wanted her to come back," Leliana said, "Don't let me stop you. What's important is that you are happy. I don't… need to be a part of it."

"What in the name of the Maker are you saying?" Fenix tightened his grip on her hand. "You sound as though you've been a substitute in Morrigan's place all along!"

"Isn't that what you see me as?" Leliana retorted, "A substitute?"

"Maker," Fenix said, sighing, "I never expected you to think of me as such a person. Don't you think I meant it when I told you I loved you and when I threw that ring away? I would never lie to you, Leliana. You _know _that."

She seemed to let down her defenses at his words, and looked away. "I know that," she said softly, "But I also know you loved Morrigan the most. You will never admit it, but you do. I noticed how you were, the night before that battle. I could feel your sadness… your disappointment. You lost her that night, but you never forgot her."

"Don't do this to yourself," Fenix said, "Stop it."

"I cannot deny what I know," she told him, smiling sadly, "She has returned, and this means I cannot love you any longer. I have spent the most of my time with you, and I must say I have been blessed by the Maker to have been given the chance to live my dream like this."

"You can't end it here," he said firmly, "Not if you want to hurt yourself."

"You're right. I don't," she said, "I want you to be happy."

"And how would you know if she was really coming back to me? She might just want to know if I'm still alive, that's all," Fenix said, "Don't think too much into her actions, they mean nothing to us."

"Are you really saying that because you mean it?" Leliana asked, laughing.

"Of course," Fenix said, "Leliana…"

"Fine," she said, smiling. She squeezed his hand. "I believe you."

"That's not good enough," Fenix said, "I love you—you know that, right?"

She leaned in and kissed him deeply. "I know," she said, still smiling. "You're cute when you're so flustered." He raised his eyebrows.

"I'm… I'm glad you think so," he said, slightly relieved.

Leliana stood up and placed the book back in its place. "I was getting tired of reading that boring old book, too," she said. "I think I'll take go check on Oghren and Felsi. I'll see you tonight?"

He kissed her again, as though he was making sure of something. "I will, won't I?"

She looked away from his eyes for a split second, but it went as fast as it had come. Her blue eyes twinkled. "Silly," she said, caressing his cheek. As he watched her leave, he could not help but feel like that kiss she gave him was one that belonged to someone saying farewell, as though she was pouring in every single ounce of her love for him before she left. As though she was afraid—or she knew—that she might never see him again.

"Leliana," he called, but she was already gone.

_Hours later_

She had packed everything she needed.

She was ready to leave the castle. Leliana had received a request from the revered mother to visit the Urn of Sacred Ashes, to become its protector for as long as it still exists. At first, she did not have the slightest inclination to accept this honorable offer, but now that things were not going the way she had hoped, she decided that it was the only way she was going to be able to leave Fenix behind. Though he protested against her unhappiness and constantly reassured her that he would stick by her even if Morrigan would reappear in their lives, Leliana knew better. She knew him better than he knew himself, she thought.

She could not deprive her love of his true happiness, the one that would be much more fulfilling than she had been for him. Perhaps he did love her, she thought, perhaps everything they had gone through together was real—but to what end? She could never compare herself to Morrigan—no doubt the witch was even more beautiful than she was, and much more charming—and knew that the Warden's heart had already been won a long time ago, but not by her.

Tears sprung to her eyes as she reached into her backpack and pulled out the cold, familiar ring that Fenix had always worn. She had retrieved it hours after he had thrown it away and gone to sleep. She probably knew that somehow, he would one day regret his actions and want the ring again after realizing that he had always loved Morrigan and not her, not Leliana, the one that had always stayed beside him through thick and thin. Somehow, she felt that he had never appreciated her at all, and was in fact just waiting to die if he did not have Morrigan.

She let out a soft sob, and placed the ring on the table, where he would be able to spot it immediately. She then proceeded to leave through the window, knowing that if she left through the front door, she would be spotted anyway. The moment she disappeared through the window, Fenix entered the room.

He looked around and was surprised to find that it was empty, but then something glimmered on the table and caught his eye. As he approached it, his heart skipped a beat again. The ring felt familiar in his hand, and he slowly slipped it on again. He frowned as he realized that it was still warm from a previous person's touch, and looked out the open window. Moments later, he leaped out the window after his missing bard, calling her name. He stood upon the roof and yelled her name, looking around for any trace of a redheaded figure lurking in the shadows, but to no avail.

The rain showered down on him suddenly, as though the Maker did not want him to feel his own tears flowing down his face.

Fergus' voice rang in his head. _Your heart will tell you who you belong with._

At that moment, Fenix Cousland could not think anymore. His heart was screaming for the both of them—the bard and the witch—and he could not make a decision. He was a small boy all over again, that night, and he needed his father again.

_A/N: I hope that did it. O.O_


	9. Chapter 8

**8: To Keep Her Close**

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad to be writing again… haha!_

"Gone, huh?"

The Warden sitting in front of the window did not move or stir, or even bother to reply. There was still the smell of rain about him—he had not moved since the night before. Fergus Cousland suddenly had the urge to just pull his little brother into a hug, just to make him feel better. But that would not help, he knew. The position his brother was in was one he knew all too well. He walked over to the bedside and sat down next to Fenix, who looked extremely tired and yet still deep in thought.

"I know it's not easy," Fergus started, "It hurts. I can empathize."

Fenix's lips quivered, as though they were about to say something. All that came out was a sigh. "She didn't even believe me," he whispered, clenching his fists, "She kissed me and lied to me, and I never knew better. I should have… I should have been smarter…"

"Fenix…" Fergus watched as his own little brother buried his own face in his hands and let loose his tears and overwhelming emotions. It took him minutes to calm down, and he wiped his face dry of tears and looked up again.

Fergus noticed that his eyes were bloodshot—Fenix had probably not slept the night before, and had instead tried to follow the bard, wherever she went. But that was a futile attempt, he knew, because Leliana was skilled and swift, making her a hard target to follow. He could not blame his brother for not being able to chase a bard, an assassin. But that was not the point. Fenix needed to stand on his feet again, and find resolve.

"You know," Fenix started, playing with Morrigan's ring, "She didn't even say goodbye."

"You can find her," Fergus said, "You're the Warden-Commander, Fenix… the Hero of Ferelden! What are the chances that you'll never see her again?"

Fenix let out a laugh. "Brother," he said softly, "Do you know that I have absolutely no idea _who _I am talking about?"

"Well, now that you mention it, me too," Fergus said, scratching his head. "But be it Morrigan or Leliana, I doubt you'll have trouble locating them. I expect Morrigan to come to you instead, from what I gathered from Oghren and Felsi. But for Leliana, you should know where to start."

"And where _do _I start, even if I planned to look for her?" Fenix asked, feeling his eyes hurt. He closed them and hung his head. "She's never going to agree to come back with me as long as Morrigan is alive, even if I went down on both knees and… and… threw this ring away a second time."

"I think she meant well for you," Fergus pointed out, "and she never considered how she would feel herself… But if you make her believe you, she'll know what to do from there. But now it's up to you. You must first know what you want… or need."

"I can't," Fenix said, sighing, "I need them both just as much."

"That's a horrible thing to say," Fergus commented, scratching his chin, "Considering how no man should ever take in two wives."

"And who said I was going to marry both of them?" Fenix groaned. "I just don't know what to do now, brother. I don't know which way to go."

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation, and Fergus stood up to open the door. "Teryn Cousland," the guard greeted, saluting with a letter in hand, "I have a message for Lord Cousland given to me from a messenger that was sent from the square."

"Who was it?" Fenix asked, standing up.

"It was a young boy, and he also had a three silvers in his hand," the guard replied, "I suspect he was bribed by whoever wanted to see you."

Fenix took the letter and opened it. Its contents were much clear:

_Meet me in the square. I'll be waiting in the alley behind the tavern._

Yet, he did not know who sent it. It could be Leliana, deciding to return to see him again. It could also be Morrigan, who decided to take the first step to bring them closer to each other again. Or, it could be someone who wanted him dead.

"It might be Leliana," Fenix said, pursing his lips. Before Fergus could say anything, Fenix grabbed Duncan's sword from the bedside table and left the room.

_Behind the Griffon's Nest tavern_

She waited for about half an hour before she saw him walking into the shadows of the alley. He looked slightly worn, if not older, from the last time she saw him. He was no longer in his heavy Warden's armor, but was now armored with light dragonskin armor and the sword he had always used. She remembered him telling her that it belonged to the Warden who found him and brought him to Ostagar, the one that had saved him from certain death at the hands of Howe.

His eyes were still that very same shade of blue—the shade she had come to love and adore—but had anxiety in them. He was looking around cautiously or expectantly—she could not read him. Perhaps she had been away from him for too long… but not anymore. Her golden eyes followed him as he sighed and resolved to lean against the wall opposite her location, still oblivious that she was looking at him from the shadows.

Her lips curved into a small, sad smile. "Did you miss me?" she asked, stepping out from her hiding place. The moment he looked up, he seemed to look almost ecstatic at her appearance. His lips—those lips she knew and missed so much—formed a wry smile as he approached her, his blue eyes softening, gazing into hers. Her heart seemed to want to explode at that moment, but not before she pulled him in to kiss him like she used to, so overwhelmed with the happiness she probably could not contain any longer.

Their kiss seemed to deepen as she felt his arms snake around her waist and bring her close, his lips tasting just as sweet as she remembered from her memories, if not sweeter. It seemed like a second of bliss before they broke the kiss, only knowing each other in that single moment. She breathed hard against his mouth and whispered, "You didn't answer my question… 'tis most annoying."

"I did," he said simply, holding her close to him still.

Morrigan smiled. "Then why the sad face? Are you not truly happy to see me again?" she asked.

"It's not that," he reassured her, his sincere tone warming her heart tremendously, "Don't worry about it. I just… had some difficulties."

"Do you know why I came back?" she asked.

"I don't know," he replied, "Tell me."

She kissed him again. "For you," she said, "'Twas a temptation I battled for many months… all alone. Then I began to miss you and… our nights together. Is it a sin to say I missed the days of the Blight?"

He laughed. "Yes," he replied, "But then that makes two of us."

"I despise you so much," she muttered, "I have never been more open and vulnerable to anyone in my life. 'Tis most… strange."

"It's not strange," Fenix said, "It's normal. Don't worry about it."

"I'm pleased you came," she told him, kissing him again, "I thought you'd never show."

"And why is that?"

Morrigan shook her head and smiled again. "I thought perhaps that you would be angry with me after that night. 'Twas a night that never stopped haunting me, clawing at my soul…"

"You have a soul?" he murmured, burying his face in her hair. She smacked him on the shoulder and growled, "You have a way with words." He shook with laughter, his voice like music to her ears.

"Are you staying?" he asked her, searching her eyes.

Morrigan raised her eyebrows. "You know I never stay in one place for too long," she said, "Especially now. I was constantly on the move, when I left you. Because of the templars."

"I'll handle them," Fenix assured her, "I'm just… I don't wish you to disappear like the last time."

"Say it," she whispered, "'Tis a line I have not heard in the longest time, my love."

Fenix leaned in, his eyes still transfixed on hers. "I love you," he told her, "So much." He was not sure whether he was in a dream or not, but it felt surreal to him as she leaned in as well to kiss him again. He had not felt her in his arms in months—or was it years, he could not measure—and breathed in her scent deeply, and held her close as though he were afraid that if he let go, he would wake up from this dream.

"It feels like a dream," she said softly, as though she read his mind, "A dream I'd… hate to abandon."

"Then… then don't," Fenix pleaded, "Stay with me this time… and…"

"And?" she asked, her lips stretching into an expectant smile.

Fenix closed his eyes and rested his lips on her forehead as images and memories of Leliana came flooding back to him, and how Fergus had hinted at their inevitable marriage. It was inevitable to Fergus, perhaps, but to Fenix, it was a clouded path he could not see ahead of. But now she was gone, and Fenix knew that he may never see his beloved bard again.

And now in his arms was the woman he first loved. The Witch of the Wilds… the most beautiful woman he had ever come across. The one that had won his heart so easily. The one that disliked human social behavior and thought of love as a weakness. The one that made _him_ weak.

The one he could not lose, either.

He breathed in deeply, and exhaled slowly as he opened his eyes. The words he then spoke were the ones he had watched his brother say to Oriana, and the words his father had probably taken a long time to cough up to his mother.

"…marry me."

There were so many things Morrigan had seen in her life with Flemeth and alone, as she traveled after the end of the Blight, but she had not expected this to come up at such a time. She did not shy away from him immediately, however, like she used to but only searched his eyes, as though she was trying to look for the reason why he made such a foolish move on her, whether he knew that she might not even say yes.

"'Tis a serious matter," she told him warningly, "You know that I may not… accept this."

"Why? The Blight is over. Flemeth is dead," Fenix said pointedly, "I can protect you from the templars. What more do you need?" The desperation in his eyes was obvious, but Morrigan could only hesitate as she bit her lip. She had only wanted to reunite with the Warden for a short time before moving on again, but this made everything even more complicated than it already was. She did not plan on committing herself to him at all, but something in her prodded her irritatingly, telling her to say yes because she wanted to.

She _wanted _to.

"We may not be happy everyday. I may not be able to meet all of your needs. But I know one thing," Fenix said, "I can love you for as long as I live."

"Stop that," she said, shaking her head while cringing, "'Tis making me feel uncomfortable."

"You could get used to this, you know," he said, flashing his confident grin at her, "I know you're not, but you could in time. Trust me."

"I do not wish to stay in one place!" Morrigan argued, "Do not… chain me down."

Hurt flashed in his eyes. "I'm not trying to chain you down," Fenix said, "I just… love you. You get that, don't you?"

"Yes," Morrigan said, nodding, "But marriage is out of the question."

"Why?" he asked.

She scowled. "My life is not free of worries and problems," she told him, "I must handle them, and like you, I have an endless flow of it. You understand, do you not?"

"What problems? Tell me, I could help you," he offered, "Just say you will."

"I cannot," Morrigan replied, breaking away from their long embrace, "I… am sorry. 'Tis not a matter of trust, believe me. I will tell you in time, but not at this moment. All I ask is that… you do not give up on me."

"And how am I supposed to do that if you're not going to stay by my side?"

She flinched, as she saw his frustration. It had been so long since she had seen that familiar look on his face—one that only showed when he and the rest of the party were talking strategy and considering their options against the archdemon—that he almost looked unfamiliar at that point.

"I will… see you from time to time," Morrigan reassured him, "Just… trust me."

"How long will that be, from _time to time_?" he asked, folding his arms, "Between months? Years?"

"I cannot promise anything," she told him, compromise present in her tone, "But I can promise that I will still see you."

"That's…" Fenix paused, and paced up and down for a while before stopping in his tracks and turning back to face her, as though he had finally come to a decision. "Fine," he said, nodding, "I may not like it, but I'll agree to it."

There was a silence as Morrigan walked up to him again, and brought her hands to his face. "Thank you," she whispered, before landing another kiss on his lips again. He felt a sinking feeling as she broke the kiss and looked at him one last time, sending him a silent goodbye as she shape-shifted into the familiar dog form and disappeared into the crowd.

He returned immediately afterwards, to relay what had happened to Oghren and Fergus.

"So she doesn't wanna get hitched," Oghren repeated bluntly, "but wants to stay with you?" He chuckled. "I always knew she was a softie…"

"Does that mean…" Fergus started, scratching his chin, "…what about Leliana?"

Fenix shook his head in confusion. "I don't even know what to make of this situation," he said, sighing heavily, "I really don't." The conflicted look on Fenix's face worried Fergus—on one hand, Fenix could search for Leliana and take her back with him to Highever, but on the other hand Fenix could settle for being with Morrigan—however unorthodox their relationship might be—as long as he would be happier.

"I don't want to talk about it," Fenix said frostily, standing up. "I'm going to retire for now. I'll… I know what to do."

"I sure hope so," Fergus said, as he watched his brother leave the main hall.

Perhaps he should leave it to Fenix to decide for himself, because this was a man's problem and Fergus knew what it was like to have others poke their noses into it and attempt to help. He did not want to stress his brother any further, and did not want to look like he was turning into his late mother. But he had a rough idea of who he would like Fenix to turn to in the end.

Morrigan did not seem like she could be trusted, but Leliana was a different story. She was sincere, kind and sensitive. All of the traits Oriana had possessed when she was not… gone. Fergus closed his eyes at the painful reminder that stabbed at his heart. He did not want his brother to experience such a pain—he simply loved Fenix too much. He tapped his fingers on the arm of the chair, and turned to Oghren.

"Where do you think the revered mother is?"

Oghren raised his eyebrows. "What business do you have with a sodding religious zealot like her?" he asked insensitively, the ale he had drunk a moment ago taking effect again as usual.

"I'm going to see if I can find a friend," Fergus said thoughtfully, "Someone that would help Fenix…"

"You sure you wanna stick your butt into his life like that?" Oghren asked.

"I'm his brother," Fergus said, standing up, "I know what's best for him, even if he might not agree."

He was going to pay a visit to the revered mother soon, to see whether she had any leads on where Leliana might have been. She had been mentioned by Leliana a number of times during her stay here, and Fergus had a gut feeling that her disappearance would not be a mystery to the revered mother. However, he could not leave Highever so easily. He tapped his fingers on the chair's arm impatiently again, considering his options.

Suddenly, the image of the elf assassin appeared in his mind. He had seen this elf—his name was Zevran, he recalled—and had also heard of his abilities from Fenix. He would have to send a messenger to Antiva to locate this elf again, if he was not in Ferelden anymore. Maker help him, for it was going to be a tough task.

He only hoped an assassin would be able to locate the other easily. He hoped Zevran had the skills and the will to help his little brother—whatever it takes to keep her close.


	10. Chapter 9

**9: Protector of Her Ashes**

_A/N: SORRY FOR BEING MISSING IN ACTION FOR SO LONG! The school year just ended so I'm FREE! But… I'm so conflicted! But thanks for all the lovely reviews; they are always appreciated from the bottom of my heart. Maker, Leliana's such a sweet girl… but Morrigan is just as well… in her own ways, of course. I'll have to keep writing if I want a conclusion! In this chapter, we welcome back a certain silver-tongued elf…_

Fergus Cousland had spent the past week trying to locate the ex-Antivan Crow. At first, he was not even sure whether Zevran was in Antiva or not, since he had nothing to do with the Antivan Crows anymore. But then again, Fenix had mentioned Zevran wanting to return home because he was simply homesick after the job he received from Loghain.

Presently, he sat in his room and waited for the return of his scout that he had sent to try and get leads on Zevran. The elf was a hard man to find, but Fergus expected no less from an assassin—much less from Leliana. His scout was to return today, after a week of searching and tracking, and Fergus was hoping that he would return soon. Fenix had been no different from when he saw him last week—still cold and indifferent about everything else—and Fergus was half-relieved that Fenix was not on any Grey Warden business for now, for he would definitely have no heart for anything at all.

The day was almost descending into the evening, when there was a short, sharp knock on the door. "Teryn Cousland," the familiar, rough voice sounded from the outside of his room, "I have returned."

Fergus stood up and opened the door, and was surprised to see his scout _and _Zevran behind him, looking pretty amused. "Thank you," Fergus said, sending the scout away before turning to Zevran, "I'm glad you were still in Ferelden. I was not aware."

Zevran chuckled. "Actually, I never intended to leave Ferelden until I saw my dear friend again. Tell me, how is Fenix Cousland faring? I heard he was with a certain redheaded bard…" he said, winking mischievously at Fergus.

Fergus sighed, and shook his head. "Not too well," he admitted, "That's what I called you here for. Please, come in."

"Not too well? Is he sick?" Zevran asked, whilst admiring the interior of Fergus' room, "I must see him later."

"Of course, but you must listen to me first," Fergus pleaded, "I assume you have heard that he started to travel with Leliana, the bard, after the Blight and eventually returned home here with her?"

"Yes," Zevran replied, scratching his chin, "Go on. I am listening."

"Leliana has left," Fergus said grimly, "And she left no clue on where she was headed. My brother is… not taking her absence too well. But there is also the issue of Morrigan, the witch."

"Morrigan? You mean that ungrateful, manipulative yet rather charming and beautiful witch?" Zevran asked, looking up with surprise, "I have not heard from her since the battle."

"It seems she has returned," Fergus said, "For Fenix. Things have gotten complicated. My brother is… conflicted. Morrigan does not have the intention of settling down with him like I know Leliana would, but she refuses to let him go. I do not know why she is so elusive, but I don't want Fenix to cling onto someone who is the complete opposite of stability."

"So you want me to kill her?" Zevran asked, folding his arms.

Fergus was taken aback. "No, no!" he said hastily, shaking his head, "That is far from it. I want you to track down Leliana and persuade her to return to Highever. In doing so, I hope Fenix will be able to make the right choice."

Zevran clicked his tongue. "Ah," he said, chuckling, "A man torn between two beautiful women. I've heard a tale about this once… it ended tragically. All of them died."

Fergus frowned. "Are you sure it wasn't just… a story?"

"We never know," Zevran said, shrugging, "But you want me to track down Leliana, yes? May I ask you something in return, then?"

"Please," Fergus said, nodding.

"How is this going to help Fenix?" Zevran asked, "I mean, if he cannot decide between Leliana and Morrigan then it will do him no good if I deliver Leliana at his doorstep. It would only… make things crazier."

"I… I don't approve of his relationship with Morrigan," Fergus said, "It's too risky."

"My good man," Zevran said, walking over to Fergus, "Morrigan is not going to turn into a giant spider and eat him, no? All I am saying now is that Morrigan is not as harmful as she seems to be—though she does have quite the way with poison…"

Fergus folded his arms, looking skeptical. "This Morrigan… she… she is hiding from something," Fergus said, "I cannot trust her."

"Do not be too quick to judge, for you were not with us during the Blight. Those nights she spent looking at your little brother… I cannot blame her—he _is _handsome, after all… as I was saying, no matter what kind of a woman or witch she was before, Fenix seems to have managed to change her for the better… if any."

"I do not know what to think," Fergus said, sighing exasperatedly, "All I ask is that you bring Leliana back to him. I wouldn't have it any other way."

"The older brother interfering with his younger brother's life, hmm?" muttered Zevran with a wry smile, "I've heard that before… what was it again? _It's for his own good?_"

"Just do it. Please," Fergus said.

Zevran folded his arms and clicked his tongue. "Fine," he said, "Since it is in the interest of my old friend and since it will most probably make him happy in the end… I will do it."

"Thank you," Fergus said, standing up, "You don't know how much this means to me."

"And Fenix, more so," Zevran added, "Well, I will be going now. I don't know how, but I'm sure I'll be able to find Leliana soon. One last thing, Fergus Cousland—if at any point in time, Morrigan happens to come back to see him… well… I ask that you do not attack her with a pitchfork until there is a real threat. Trust me… and trust him."

"…Very well."

Zevran smiled. "We'll get along smoothly then," he said, grinning. He walked over to the window and hopped onto the pane swiftly. "I prefer this method of exit, if you don't mind. Glorious."

Before Fergus could advise him against it, Zevran was gone in a flash. Somehow, he knew that the elf was skilled enough to fulfill his request effectively and in the shortest amount of time. Fergus only wondered what Fenix would do when he was faced with the decision of choosing just one woman to spend the rest of his life with.

_Highever Square_

_Outside the Chantry_

If anything attracted Zevran more than Antivan leather boots, it would be the ones from Highever itself. It was strange, how these fine boots could attract him as much as those good old Antivan ones could, and Zevran could not help but look upon the pairs longingly. He contemplated stealing a pair, but then again, it would not bode well with Fergus Cousland. Despite his confident front, Zevran was at a loss as to how he would begin to look for the pretty bard. He surveyed the bustling area, as though hoping that she would just appear out of nowhere and quietly go back with him to Castle Cousland, but he knew she was better than that. Much more stubborn, he recalled fondly, and never submissive. _Well, unless it's the Warden, _he thought with a grin.

His eyes then fell upon a group of guards following this old lady. She walked past him without even glancing at him and entered the Chantry, but her guards seemed none too pleased that he was looking at her. He noticed a two other gossipers staring at that old lady as well, and—in the interest of satisfying his curiosity—approached them and asked them who she was.

"You don't know her?" one of them said, startled, "I don't blame you. You elves must not have seen much, huh?"

Zevran folded his arms and indicated his twin daggers. "My patience is wearing thin," he said, "Unless you'd like your skin ripped from your…"

"No, no," the man said, looking alarmed at the sight of his razor sharp assassin's weapons, "I was just—I thought you were from those alienages… I…"

"Just tell me who she is, man," Zevran said.

"The Revered Mother," the man's friend told Zevran, "I heard she came here just to look for some previous sister from her Chantry for a favour."

"Who is this previous sister?" Zevran asked.

"Don't know. All I know is, it had something to do with Andraste's ashes," the man replied, scratching his head, "And I heard the sister accepted that request… whatever it was."

"I'll bet it's just some random gossip you picked up at the tavern," the other man said, "Andraste's ashes…"

"You sound skeptical," Zevran said, not being able to contain himself, "Have you not visited the mountaintop where they lie?"

"You mean they exist?" the man's friend asked, looking thoroughly confused.

"I thought word would have reached Highever by now," Zevran muttered under his breath. "Well, I'll see you gentlemen some other time. Time waits for none of us, yes?" With a flash, Zevran was gone, following in the footsteps of the Revered Mother.

"…you don't need to worry or send more soldiers to die in the mountain," the Revered Mother was telling one of the senior lay sisters of the Chantry. Zevran frowned. Did Leliana really accept the Revered Mother's request to guard the ashes for as long as they exist?

"Um, excuse me," Zevran interjected, scratching his head, "Revered Mother?"

"Yes, young one?" she asked, turning around, "Did you need anything?"

"I'm… looking for a friend," Zevran started, "and I believe you sent her to become a guardian to the ashes…"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Zevran groaned and threw his hands up in the air. "Leliana! I know her," he said, "And judging by what I know of her, she's the only one who'd agree to guard a jug of ashes from ruthless bandits or crazy cultists, no?"

The old woman before him sighed and shook her head, seemingly unaffected that he knew. "She told me to expect people who would want to find her," she replied, sighing again, "I knew it was only a matter of time, too. She really doesn't want anyone to find her, young man."

"But it is a matter of… well…" He scratched his head. "I don't know if I should call it life or death."

"Oh, really?" she asked, a skeptical look etched on her face. "Life or death?"

"Well… I mean…" Zevran stuttered, "I'm not sure how to speak of this…"

"I will not hesitate to inform her that you are searching for her if you decide to," said the Revered Mother dryly, "She deserves to know. She wanted sanctuary."

"But with all those people that could murder her!" he argued, feeling flustered. If the Revered Mother told Leliana of his plans, he would lose her completely after that. And he could not allow that to happen.

The Revered Mother sighed again and shook her head. "Respect her decision, please."

The assassin groaned. "It's vital that I talk to her as soon as possible," he persisted, "Please. It's not your decision to make whether she should come back with me or not—it is hers. All I'm asking is that you keep your mouth sh—uh, remain silent about my visitation and all will be fine. If she refuses, then I will leave her be. And… I'll make sure she doesn't blame you for anything."

"Is she really so important to you?"

Zevran shrugged. "She was—is—a friend of mine and much more to another friend of mine as well. Please understand."

"Just once," the Revered Mother said with finality in her tone, "Just once and promise me, if she refuses, don't force her away. We still need a protector."

Zevran resisted rolling his eyes. "T-Thank you!" he said. "You have been of great help to me, Mother."

"Off with you, son," the Mother said, seemingly having a headache because of all the trouble that Zevran was supposedly causing her. He left the Chantry with a smirk on his face, and headed for the stables. _Time to get myself some transport…_

_Castle Cousland_

_Front Gates_

"Teryn!"

Fergus turned his head only to see a flustered soldier running towards him. "What is it, Sterling?" he asked, alarmed.

"The elf…" Sterling panted, wiping the sweat from his face, "That… elf!"

"What's wrong with the elf?" Fergus asked. Had Zevran encountered some hostiles? Had he found Leliana and tried to convince her to come back, but she refused and had no choice but to attack him—

"He stole one of the horses from the Cousland guards!" Sterling spat, gasping for air, "I was running after him, but he rode that horse too well… My Lord…" He looked up to see Fergus Cousland chuckle and walk away, saying something about 'letting the elf be'. His jaw dropped.

_It was one of the finest horses in Highever, too… I hope he doesn't just leave it in the woods…_

_Haven_

She had not been here in a long time. Memories of her adventures with the Warden flashed in her mind—however terrifying they may have been—and she felt her heart ache to realize that she was apart from him. But she could not make any exceptions—not even for him. She had to rethink everything, and be out of the way of distractions and other problems. Ever since they finished their business in Haven, the cultists have seemingly retreated and the village had transformed into something more homely and friendly—something she would not have appreciated before, but did now.

Suddenly, a familiar voice called out to her.

"Morrigan?"

She turned around, only to face the redheaded bard that had once vied for the heart of her lover—her Warden—and had recently travelled with him for some time. Morrigan grimaced. "Ah, the bard," she said coldly, a small smile appearing on her lips.

"Leliana, if you don't remember," Leliana said, approaching Morrigan, "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the very same thing…" Morrigan countered, chuckling, "I thought you were living with the Warden. 'Tis that not true after all?"

Leliana shook her head. "It was true," she replied, "Until I left."

"All evidence to the contrary," Morrigan said, circling Leliana slowly. "If I were you, I would never have left him. You should have seen the look on his face when I met him…"

"You met him?" The bard suddenly turned defensive, something Morrigan found very, _very _amusing. She laughed.

"Oh, yes. I think it wasn't too far off from when you left, seeing as how he was so distracted and looked absolutely… crushed…" Morrigan said, her smile still playing on her lips. Leliana looked away, not knowing whether to feel hurt or angry at him.

Suddenly, Morrigan's tone turned vicious—hostile. "I am not happy that you have hurt him so," Morrigan hissed, "I would have accepted the both of you properly, but you just had to go about breaking his heart…"

"You don't _know _what—"

"Even if I don't… the deed has been done," Morrigan muttered, her golden eyes piercing Leliana's. "I only have one favor to ask of you."

Leliana looked at Morrigan with a questioning look on her face.

"Never go back to him if you intend to bewitch him again and then leave him whenever you wish—"

"Look who's talking, Morrigan—aren't you the witch here? And since when have you been so lovingly sensitive towards him and put him before you and your ambitions?" Leliana retorted, clenching her fists.

Morrigan forced a mirthless laugh. "You are cute, Leliana," she said, smirking, "But mark my words… if you hurt him again, you will not live to see another day. 'Tis a promise I'll make to you… and him."

"What do you really want from him?" Leliana asked, narrowing her eyes at the witch.

"Nothing," Morrigan said, folding her arms, "I do not intend to use him for anything… anymore."

"I don't believe you."

"Believe what you will," Morrigan said, "I will not waste time here with you."

"My sentiments exactly," Leliana said flatly.

Morrigan smiled. "At least we can agree on something together."


	11. Chapter 10

**10: Conflicts to Bear Alone**

_A/N: Thank you for reading/reviewing. Enjoy! And I think I've decided on how this story should end. I think. _

_Outskirts of Haven_

"…take the ashes and go. Understood?"

Zevran stopped in his tracks and turned to his right, where he could see a group of armored men deep in discussion. _Take the ashes? _Zevran thought, frowning, _not on my watch… or Leliana's, either. _He bit his lower lip and considered his options and eventually decided that if they were raiders, they would know how to get to the mountaintop in the quickest way possible and thus would cut short his travel time. His lips curved into a smile as he approached the men amiably.

"Good day, handsome men!" he greeted, startling almost all of them with his cheerful greeting, "I could not help but to overhear… are you about to raid the mountaintop?"

One of the men quickly dragged him into the center of their already small circle and they closed in on him even more, making random shushing noises that were sure to attract attention if Zevran's exclamation had not.

"Shut up!" breathed one of them, "Are you trying to get us killed? Almost anyone here would know about the ashes and would wanna protect 'em!"

"Of course, good man, but—"

"Shut up!" another one repeated, "We're gonna have to kill you now, so just shut up!"

Zevran sighed. He was wrong to assume that they even knew a thing about raiding, much less getting there swiftly. "Of course," he said dryly, "But unless you don't need an experienced explorer who has been inside the mountaintop before, you can go ahead and kill me. Did I mention—I even reached the ashes, too." He inwardly cursed himself for being as stupid as this bunch of oafs, but he already had a way out of it.

"You've—you've been inside there before?" another one asked, sounding awed, "Could you help us?"

"Wasn't that what I offered at first and you politely asked to kill me afterwards?" Zevran said, folding his arms with mock frustration, "And to think I know the shortest way there, as well…"

"Okay, okay, you've made your point—will you help us?"

The elf chuckled. "Now we're off to a good start!" he said, pushing his way out of the smelly circle. "But what is in it for me?"

The men stared at him, all equally dumbfounded for a moment before one of them piped, "We heard its newest protector's a beautiful woman. Maybe you could take her while we take the ashes…?"

"Shallow," Zevran muttered, shaking his head, "Whatever. I guess that will do. I have been alone for sometime… unless any of you would like to…?"

"No, no!"

"Then let's set off, shall we?"

_Some time later_

"Are you… _sure _this is the _fastest _way… up?" panted one of the men, already perspiring profusely despite the climate. Zevran chuckled and nodded, winking at his temporary companions.

"I'm sure, my good man," the elf replied confidently, "I've only been up here once!"

"_Once?_" another man repeated with dismay, "You've only come here _once _and you tell us you know how to go about this stupid place?"

"Not as stupid as you," Zevran muttered under his breath before turning back to the men with a grin, "You boys have never been here, so I am the experienced one here. And besides, I heard there was a dragon around here somewhere…"

"Dragon?"

Zevran laughed. He liked it when he managed to create some sort of fear in people—especially the brainless ones. "I'm kidding, friend. I killed it a long time ago."

Loud silence fell upon them, except for the occasional sounds of the men's feet stepping into the snow. "You killed a dragon?" whispered the rogue next to Zevran, "A… _dragon_?"

"How long have you been in this business, again?" the elf asked, smirking. _Not too long, I hope. _"Don't answer that—we're almost here. It's just past that door."

"Good," said one of them, who looked as though he was the leader of the group. Zevran had not noticed him before, only because he had been the silent one of the group. The man looked at Zevran and nodded in thanks. "My name is Markus, by the way."

Zevran chuckled. "And you do not have to know mine," he replied, stunning Markus for a moment, "We have come here for different things… which could only mean that we will part very soon."

"You make a good point," Markus said, "Why the sudden interest in raiding a place you have already visited before?"

Zevran shrugged and yawned. "I was bored."

"Bored?"

"Yes, bored."

"…I see."

Zevran stopped at the familiar door and stepped aside for Markus to enter first. The man did so confidently, only to find himself pinned down to the ground by a redhead and groaned in pain as she drew her blade and pressed it to his skin. Zevran looked as though nothing had happened and instead laughed and spread his arms wide.

"Leliana!" he greeted, smiling, "What are the odds!"

Leliana raised her eyebrows at the elf. "What are you doing here?" she asked, her blade still in contact with Markus' neck.

"You… know her?" Markus wheezed, looking up at Zevran.

"For a long time," Leliana replied for him. "What _are _you doing here with these people?"

"They wanted to raid this place and steal your jug of ashes," Zevran said quickly, "So I led them here. It was only polite, after all."

"Polite?" Leliana repeated, "Stealing Andraste's Ashes? Zevran, how could you?" She would have thought that he knew how strong her faith was by now, considering all those months they had travelled together fighting the Blight and the Archdemon.

"Don't be too alarmed, Leliana, I am only doing you a favor, after all," Zevran said, folding his arms and winking at her. Suddenly, it was all clear to Leliana. Zevran had made a trap for the raiders to spring.

Markus struggled under Leliana's grip and suddenly yelled to his men, "Attack her!"

Before the bandits could attack Leliana, Zevran raised his twin daggers and stabbed two of them in the back swiftly and proceeded to kick the rest aside. "Not on my watch, Markus," Zevran said dangerously, his true intentions showing in his eyes, "I am not about to let you bully my dearest friend here."

"You… lied to us!" Markus spat, his eyes growing wide with shock.

Zevran shook his head. "I did not lie to you," he said, "I _was _bored, you know. And I _did _come here once and I did in fact slay a dragon. Leliana here bore witness to that. And I didn't say I wanted those ashes, did I?"

"You… filthy elf…" Markus growled, his face constricted with rage.

"Pity," Zevran said softly, "I was about to hit on you back there and then, too."

"Leave this place," Leliana told Markus, "And never come back."

"You're sparing him?" Zevran said in disbelief, "But he tried to steal your jug of ashes!"

Leliana shook her head. "The Revered Mother told me to never take a life unless necessary," Leliana said, "I'm only listening to her orders." She released Markus and stood up, watching him closely.

"You're just lettin' me go?" Markus asked, his eyes still fixed on Zevran. "Both of you?"

"If you wanted it any other way…" Leliana flashed her daggers warningly.

Markus grimaced and spat on the floor. "You'll pay for this—both of you. I swear it." He took one last look at his dead henchmen and left. Zevran grinned sheepishly at Leliana. "Aren't you glad they're gone?" he said, sighing contentedly. "I was planning to play a trick on them, but I didn't expect that _you'd _be here when they mentioned a redheaded beauty protecting the ashes…"

"You really just wanted to make a fool out of them?" Leliana asked, sounding slightly skeptical.

"Of course—that's what I do in my spare time, now that I am no longer adventuring with the Warden," Zevran said.

"Meanie," Leliana said, unable to suppress a grin.

"I do my best," Zevran said jokingly, "Now tell me about you. How come you're here out of all places?"

"Out of all places? What do you mean by that?" Leliana asked.

Zevran shrugged and scratched his head. "Word had it that you were traveling with the Warden," he said, sighing, "But when I went to visit him with the intention of seeing the both of you, he seemed as lifeless as… death. I mean—not that he's really dead, but you know. The last time he was like that was the night before that big battle. I had never seen him so deathly ever since. Did anything… happen?"

Leliana looked away, as though she was caught red-handed in committing a crime. "I… I don't know."

"Why did you leave?"

She sighed. "I had no choice," she said sadly, "I didn't want to, either."

"But this action has taken a toll on the both of you, it seems. I may not know what happened, but I know that our dear Warden needs you," Zevran said, "Very much."

"You don't understand. It's hard for me as well," Leliana replied, looking troubled. "I didn't want to, but… I couldn't stay there." She fidgeted with her fingers a little, before forcing herself to look up at Zevran again.

"How is he faring?" she asked finally, as though looking for some sort of confirmation that he was really in a bad state.

Zevran shook his head with a frown. "Even darkspawn seems livelier now," Zevran drawled, "Will you go back to him?"

"He doesn't need me." Leliana forced a weak smile, trying to accept her own words. Even if Fenix did not need her anymore, she was certain that she still needed him more than ever. Every single day after she had left Highever, all she could think about was him and how he would have probably reacted when he discovered her absence. She had wanted to stay, but the very thought of him thinking of Morrigan shook her to the core. It was then that she decided that Fenix would have to choose, if not he would have none at all—Morrigan did not seem like she was about to return to him very soon and permanently, either.

"You don't know that," Zevran whispered, "You really don't, my dear girl."

"I can't go back," Leliana said, fighting back tears, "Just leave me alone, Zevran."

Zevran pursed his lips. _I guess Fenix won't be seeing her anytime soon after all. _"I'll respect your decision, Leliana," Zevran said, standing up, "But do me this favor—if I ever drop by again, seeing as how I'll probably be staying in Haven for a while, do not stop me from spending my time here with you." He smiled and found her hand and held it. "I've missed you, you know. Like I miss all the others."

Leliana smiled. "I know," she said shakily, "Me too."

_Haven_

"That's it? All you sell is water and beer? Nothing more, nothing less?" The bartender nodded, and continued to wipe the table absently. Zevran could not believe his ears. He had come to the inn expecting some sort of improvement on the menu, but it seemed like it deteriorated even more.

"There used to be some snacks here, too," complained Zevran.

"Those snacks weren't very edible to begin with," a familiar voice called out to him from behind. The moment Zevran turned around, he could not help but gape at the witch before him.

"Morrigan?" he uttered, seemingly surprised.

The witch smiled, though he was not sure if she meant it. "I am glad to see that you still remember my name," she said, mocking cheerfulness, "What brings you to Haven, my roguish elven friend?"

Zevran chuckled and wagged his finger at her disapprovingly. "The name is Zevran, if you fail to remember, though I doubt you forgot but you're just pretending to so you don't seem like a complete softie," he said, smirking when he saw the look of annoyance flash dangerously across Morrigan's previously calm face, "And I am here to visit a friend. Which brings me to the same question you asked me: what are _you _doing here?"

"I came here to find shelter," Morrigan said plainly, "And I met with our fellow bard earlier on."

"Really?" Zevran said, scratching his chin thoughtfully, "I just met her on the mountaintop."

"Why is that?" Morrigan asked, genuinely curious.

"If you must know, then I am sorry to tell you that your beloved Warden's emotional health is dying slowly," Zevran said, "Courtesy of you fine ladies, of course."

"He does not need to choose—he already knows what he wants," Morrigan said roughly, brushing off Zevran's previous comment. "And I hardly think that he would want someone who just left him without a word."

Zevran grinned. "Speak for yourself, Morrigan," he said, "Did you not leave him to die before the battle?"

"Let's not probe the ever so sensitive subject," Morrigan said, smiling slyly.

"Then let's not speak of each other like enemies," the elf replied, "We used to sleep together every night, you know."

"In separate tents, although I believe you wanted a closer proximity…?"

"What a tease you are," Zevran said, rolling his eyes.

Morrigan laughed. "I am so pleased that you avoided the insult all too easily," she commented, "But I think I have better things to do, elf. I might see you around, if you stick to Haven for a while longer… maybe a week and… give or take a few more days?"

"If I'm bored," Zevran said, nodding, "I will look you up. But I'm not one to make promises."

Morrigan turned to leave, but not before taking one last glance at him to say, "Except the empty ones."

Zevran sighed. He would have a lot of explaining to do to Fergus Cousland, now that Leliana refused to return with him. A sudden movement caught his attention as he turned to the inn and spotted Markus, who was glaring at him. Zevran could only flash him a roguish grin before Markus walked off with another man who had also looked at Zevran for a long time, muttering something about 'getting back at them someday'.

"You're sure this'll work?" Markus asked the man darkly.

"Of course," the nameless man replied, "And if all goes well, Markus, you will have your ashes and I will have my due reward."

"You can be sure of that," Markus growled, as they left Haven for now.

_A/N: Short chapter, but I promise it's a build-up to the next one!_


End file.
